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Dear 30-Year-Old-Me

Redding, CA, USA


I've decided to record my voice reading this letter as a special gift to the 30-year-old-me. This was the first recording and I tried recording it again multiple times for the sake of sound and changing/editing the sentence structure of this post, but listening to this recording in specific made Jesus and I really happy. Since this was the first recording, you will hear me typing/messing up editing the text, but I think it adds more character and authenticity. Enjoy!


Dear 30-Year-Old-Me,

It's a Thursday, well technically a Friday because it's 12:16AM on December 18, 2020, and I am sitting at the kitchen table with Mel and Bigane in Redding, California. It's finals week for Simpson and you just finished your online course at Shasta College called Literature by and About Women. I think it's important to set the scene because I'm not sure if you'll be in the same place or the same season by the time you're reading this and to some degree, I hope you're not. Don't worry, everything is really good! 

I thought to write you a letter because I've been thinking about you lately and I felt like it would be a fun post. In a previous blogpost, I mentioned that I wanted to laugh at the thought of a 30-year-old-me because of the hopes and dreams I want to pursue and live out at that age and I'm wondering how you're responding as you read this. I'm sure you're laughing and/or going to cry at the thought of 25-year-old-me and the things I have yet to experience. I don't expect you to be at a certain point in your life and have accomplished all of these things-- I still value the process and how "life stages" are different for everyone. Nonetheless, I do hope that I have accomplished and/or are living out a few of these things by the time I'm 30. But to get a relative sense of what it's like right now because I'm thinking about 20-Year-Old-Me and I don't even remember the current realities of my life then, so in order to remember what is happening now, I've compiled a list of what is current in my life right now:

  1. Incredibly, beautifully, captivated by the High Most King
  2. You know you are loved and valued by your family and friends
  3. 25 years old
  4. Single/ Praying and thinking of your future husband
  5. 2nd Year BSSM student
  6. COVID-19 changed everything
  7. Dreaming about doing Third Year in England
  8. Hoping to pursue a MA in Creative Writing (Boston University? Or MAYBE in England??)
  9. Wishing my schedule permitted  more time dedicated to running
  10. My car is "broken" (Idle doesn't work/ 2005 KIA Sorento for the record)
  11. Working at in Higher Education Institution
And now for the things that I hope has happened in the last FIVE years:
  1. What ways has Jesus pulled you in closer?
  2. How is God moving in your family? In your friend's lives?
  3. Did I get to live in England? 
  4. How was Third Year like?
  5. Was the vaccine for COVID successful?
  6. Accomplished a MA in Creative Writing?
  7. Hopefully on your way to a PhD in English?
  8. Published author? Or have at least finished writing a book(s)!
  9. Engaged or Married (Hopefully married!!)
  10. Active and passionate runner? Any marathons?
  11. Did you get a Subaru? #DreamCar
  12. Do you have little chickadees? *heart sinks and jumps at the same time*
  13. Have you had your heart broken? What did it feel like?
  14. What is Jesus saying about your life?
It's interesting to see how the second half of my list for the future are questions. *Asks the Holy Spirit why that is* Despite all of the things I hope to have accomplished or pursued by the age of 30, what I hope remains to be one foundational key that I hope has grown, expanded, and remained constant and that is your relationship with Jesus. I hope you've loved and shared Him everywhere you went and I'm sure you did because that's what you do. I hope you remained close to the King and kept your eyes on His face. I hope you've experienced and read the Holy Bible more intimately. 

As of today, being the 25-year-old that you are now writing this, I want to say that I love you. I am proud of you. Thank you for saying Yes to the King. Thank you for wanting Him and only Him to the point that your heart aches for a touch from Him. Thank you for being yielded to His presence. Thank you for looking at pain, hardships, and disappointment in the face because you know who you are and who you belong to. Thank you for learning and believing that you carry power and authority at whatever life throws at you. Thank you for taking the joys and celebrations in your life and sharing them with people that you love. 

Regardless of all the things you've done or wished had done differently, I am incredibly grateful of the way you've laid down your life. Jesus is with you and how I'm sure you know that He's with you (Jeremiah 29:11). 

With Every Fiber of my Heart,
MJ/ Jacky


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