California, USA
11 May 19
California -
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deep -
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Jesus -
Pursued -
rejoice -
Remember -
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Summer -
Thoughts -
Time -
Trust -
writing
Dear Summer,
How are you doing? It's been awhile since the last time we last saw each other and, honestly, I was almost nervous and doubtful about seeing you again. The last time we were together, we started off really good. It was fun, different, and hopeful. We went to so many places-- some places to get away from your heat; other times to enjoy it. I have to applaud you because you made sure that you did not go unnoticed by the way you heat up the air or how strongly you shined across the sky. Then after awhile some things got really intense, assumptions were made about each other, and misunderstandings, which was in essence miscommunication of how we were supposed to spend time together; it got a little rocky.
And it's okay.
I understand that it was not your intention or what you wanted for me, but it happened. And I wouldn't want to take it back-- any bit of it. Genuinely, I want to thank you. I want to thank you for keeping me close and keeping the nights warm.
Because of you, I was able to grow. Because of you, I was able to learn more about myself. Because of you, I was able to shatter and see parts of my heart that I've never seen before. I offered you what was left of me hoping that we'd be okay-- and with (many) tears, conversations, and Jesus, what happened wasn't your fault. To think of it, I think your were the most important thing to happen to me because you taught me how to be present and how to hold onto pain so that I can learn and grow from it. You taught me how to be thankful.
You taught me how to untangle the mess and feel as much as I can even though all I wanted to do was make myself numb because it was easier. You taught me that friends and family are important and that love is what brings freedom. You taught me that I am deeply loved. You taught me the importance of community and how much I need people. You taught me that I wasn't loving myself well. You taught me that I can't do this on my own.
Because of you, I learned what God had intentionally put inside of me, which is what His kingdom needs-- it's what others need. I learned that I carry kingdom and I wear a crown and I no longer have to set it down for other people. I learned that I have a voice that is worthy to be listened to and a story that carries a redemptive freedom of God's goodness!
You helped me understand my heart and how to feel it so intimately. Even with all the pain and the stillness, you were there with me. When it was time for you to go, you saw me off and I went to the arms of a brisk and cold fog, but your warmth was still there or more so the memory of you was deeply set within me. I have to admit that I talked about you to a few people-- well, maybe more than a few, but it was purely out of trying to understand what happened.
And that's it-- love, love happened. Love came in and said that you were important. Love said I needed you. It said that I would look back and know that the next time I saw you, I would be overjoyed and excited for the new and bright future that we'll have together because this time we are not going alone! This time, we will have a King by our side! We will have a King and His name is Jesus! All I have is love and compassion for you because we are now both different. We are no longer who we were in the past. We are no longer on the edge of a cliff-- we are dancing through the mountains and rivers with a King!
So, thank you, Summer, for being a season where I know I will no longer go back to with bitterness or hatred and I hope we can be friends again because I am excited to see where we'll go. I no longer see you as a season where I will have to run from pain and loneliness, but a place where redemption and hope can invade. I'm excited for us.
With Love,
MJ
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