Letting Him In
Dear Reader,
How are you doing? Or if you're in the UK, people are most likely to say, You alright? which I think is so cool! It's fun to see the ways that culture, people, and language cultivate a space! It's been about a month and a couple weeks since I've been in Leicester and I'm still learning and taking in all that I can.
If you haven't yet read my most recent blogpost where I talk about my first three weeks in Leicester, England, you can read that here. In some regard, it still does feel like I just arrived to Leicester even after a month and a couple of weeks in Leicester. There's so much He's been doing!
I think I've gotten to the point to some degree that I have fully settled in and have my schedule on lockdown. I have days off on Saturdays and Wednesdays. Student Church on Thursday nights; Admin and meetings throughout the week; and Sunday services all day. I do find time to rest and unwind, which I have to be extra intentional about, but it's all been so much fun and a great learning season!
As much as being here is fun, new, and exciting; it has also come with its challenges. I do miss my family. I'm learning what it's like interceding and praying for situations in my life that were left broken. I'm still learning a lot about what it takes to be a part of the "behind-the-scenes" process of being in a church, but I am incredibly comforted by the King of kings. I have to be honest, I left the US with a couple open wounds. I mean-- leaving Redding, I felt like I left completely loved and championed. Leaving Redding meant being surrounded by people who said We'll miss you, but go! ( I miss those guys!!)
Leaving Redding, I let myself feel the pain that came with leaving a community of people, a place I called home outside of my own family home. I felt like I've mourned and grieved all that I could. I thought I moved on and gave the attention my feelings needed in order to process fully. Once we begin to think that a Christian life is supposed to be perfect, we've lost.
A few weeks ago at Student Church, Amelia, who is the Youth & Students pastor at Chroma, preached on inviting the Holy Spirit into our lives and hearts no matter the condition that we're in. She used the analogy of the multiple ways in which we clean up our houses depending on who's coming over. There are specific people who we invite over and everything has to be spotless. On the other hand, there is a friend who can come over even when the house is a complete mess. Amelia (or Meels) prompted us and asked which scenario do we invite the Holy Spirit into our lives. Ouch. It was so good! I'd hope to think that I invite the Holy Spirit in all the time. But I waited on the Lord and I heard Him say, Can I heal that part of your heart. And I knew exactly what He was referring to. I flinched. I was shocked. I thought I had healed. I thought I had moved on.
After a few minutes, I let the Father in. I let Him take the dry, itchy scab off and I cried. I let love in and at its center-- it was this yearning and hope for connection. It was this desire for the things that were left broken to be set back in place. Isn't it like God to bring things up that I don't fully understand, but willing to mourn and grieve with us. To think about His kindness and patience to ask and heal those parts that I didn't know needed healing. I blows my mind. I've been able to talk to Tim and my team about what the Lord is doing in my heart. Tim, though, prompted me with a solution, which was to get on the alter and ask the Lord to burn me. This is costly.
These past few weeks, I have been learning, asking, and pursuing the Lord in what burning on the alter looks like. I don't know if I can fully explain what it's like to encounter the Holy Spirit, but I can try. Burning on the alter looks like worship to Jesus-- beautiful, worthy, and holy King Jesus! To let Him strip away everything and in return knowing that He is worthy of all of my affection, attention, and adoration. There is nothing else that I want, but HIM! To stare in the eyes of Jesus and see how they burn for me-- for sons and daughters to know their true and full identity as children of God! To offer my life over and over and over and over and over again because that is what He's worth-- and so. much. MORE! My Love and best friend! JESUS!
I CANNOT LIVE A LIFE THAT ISN'T CHANGED BY HIM!
To look at His face and die, knowing that He will blow life back in! Isn't it like Him! He is worthy! HOLY AND BEAUTIFUL KING. More and more does the unfortunate circumstances that come with life become smaller in the presence of God. He is so much bigger than I can ever imagine.
I'm still learning and I pray that the Lord forever teaches me how to die and burn for Him!
Much Love,
MJ
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