tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74975703144712095302024-03-14T00:00:05.393-07:00Dear TizaporahDREAMER. ADVOCATE FOR CREATIVITY. Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-85643147572443352702023-05-22T18:38:00.002-07:002023-05-22T18:38:22.429-07:00Why "Ugly Betty" Will Never Go Out of Style<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPz04Qj9MdMbcMrqCSzYb6AlyGmX86Z3Zl_l1R1YlkMtOtyQVwcFCRs9Rys6ZziRgrr2oz07ZMI351amDQXI9p0ZMBLTVOyNAxeAAD5MpfzuCo38dAXGpsFrIGmCVBBM1pXmNaiLGMUa-oYDvkvPmpY5iuevKcIxqYNNnL18fVtqUdNZ0fmj5hj-N1/s1920/Ugly%20Betty%20Blog%20Cover.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1080" data-original-width="1920" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjPz04Qj9MdMbcMrqCSzYb6AlyGmX86Z3Zl_l1R1YlkMtOtyQVwcFCRs9Rys6ZziRgrr2oz07ZMI351amDQXI9p0ZMBLTVOyNAxeAAD5MpfzuCo38dAXGpsFrIGmCVBBM1pXmNaiLGMUa-oYDvkvPmpY5iuevKcIxqYNNnL18fVtqUdNZ0fmj5hj-N1/s320/Ugly%20Betty%20Blog%20Cover.jpeg" width="320" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">(Photo above does not belong to me)</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div>I can recall in the back of my mind moments of hearing about "Ugly Betty"(2006) in high school hallways, waiting rooms, and family gatherings. It was a show that I heard on radio reviews and television commercials. "Ugly Betty" slowly became one of those shows that many people talked about, but I never had the opportunity to watch. I was only 11 when this show premiered and now watching it as a 28-year-old, I honestly believe that "Ugly Betty" is still relevant <b>today</b>. The characters are just as lovable and equally loathsome. The storyline, twists, and turns are unexpected and simultaneously beautiful. The tensions between the American life and the opportunities that are accessible to minorities are empowering and incredibly real. <div><div><br /></div><div>In the beginning of this year, I really wanted to start watching a show. One that I knew that I'd get lost in with characters that I'd fall in love with and a story that would completely draw me in. So, on my day off while browsing multiple shows on Hulu, I quickly made my decision to start something that I've always wanted to get into-- <i>Ugly Betty</i>.</div><div><br /></div><div><i>Ugly Betty </i>has quickly become one my favorite shows. I have fully given my heart to these characters and the plot line continues to keep me guessing. We see Betty Suarez, a first generation Mexican- American navigate high-fashion New York, building a career in writing, new (and sometimes old) heart-breaking love, family highs and lows, and growing and learning more about who she wants to be. Along with dynamic leads, we get distinctive lead characters who are just as complex, hilarious, villainous, multi-faceted, beautiful, and full of depth. Each character has such significant roles in making this show full of color, character, and chaos. </div></div><div><br /></div><div>In any show, there has to be characters that we relate to the most and I feel that I relate most with Betty. I am a first-generation American, graduated with a BA in English, learning the values of family and the expectations of those roles while trying to progress in career and in life. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have to admit that I CRIED in scenes between Henry and Betty and their love story grew deeper and I <i>lost it</i> when she had to make the final decision of letting him go-- BUT the surprise that came in just the next season-- made me jump out of my seat! I also found myself standing in front of my TV in moments of gasp-worthy endings.</div><div><br /></div><div>I just finished the season finale of the show today and I believe it was the best ending to any show I've ever watched. As a viewer, they closed each story for each character with such care, growth, and intention. We have in some sense grew with these characters and the life lessons that come from this show are so important. </div><div><br /></div><div>Earlier this year, I got to live in England for the first time in my life and it was scary and exciting. So when Betty's dad, Ignacio, began to tell her that she was going to navigate a whole new place, people, and culture all by herself-- I CRIED-- because that is what it felt like leaving my home and the people that I loved there! But Betty didn't go alone. She held each person that has been a part of her story. In the same way, I knew I was carrying my family, friends, and moments of complete growth with me. Betty is inspiring, creative, and passionate. Her family is just as vibrant, encouraging, and crazy-- mine are too! </div><div><br /></div><div>One thing that I've learned from this show is to go after what makes us come alive, while being in the moment and even when we make mistakes, coming clean and facing them won't be the end of the world. <i>Ugly Betty</i> will never go out of style and if you have the urge to start a show, I'd recommend this one.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Thanks for reading!</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">MJ</div>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-39670463083196408132022-12-25T19:17:00.001-08:002022-12-25T19:18:39.937-08:00I Love My Body<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs1I-Kmlwkn9e_TIORLHgagaA7wjX6puFUbGbRPfXph0SabTHl2FDJCHex9txZGpHYfKAQXofWeE5F2dKKqVKDrnHC16ndwUU4hb9u1ZhzrMmEgR4krSy0Dq6g16tFuz_oUwSIpkRvuhEnB_5z1aZFaA5OBEqqf3mgqQBXrCwA8lwIJQKmzk31hYPf/s4032/2D3F578C-BA0D-4F68-95F4-343D66545E95.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjs1I-Kmlwkn9e_TIORLHgagaA7wjX6puFUbGbRPfXph0SabTHl2FDJCHex9txZGpHYfKAQXofWeE5F2dKKqVKDrnHC16ndwUU4hb9u1ZhzrMmEgR4krSy0Dq6g16tFuz_oUwSIpkRvuhEnB_5z1aZFaA5OBEqqf3mgqQBXrCwA8lwIJQKmzk31hYPf/s320/2D3F578C-BA0D-4F68-95F4-343D66545E95.JPG" width="240" /></a></div><p>I have been sitting deleting and rewriting the introduction to this blogpost and I've come to realize that I'm just going to be honest and say what I have to say. </p><p>I LOVE MY BODY.</p><p>A significant contributing factor to who I am is that I am Mexican and Filipino, which comes with other ethnicities on both of my parents side respectively, such as Samoan, Hawaiian, and Spanish, therefore comes with significant physical attributes. </p><p>I could write about western influence and culture's "ideal" body type, which social media has portrayed and there is progress, but I want to focus on my own journey with my body type. First, I don't want this post to lead to comparison-- yes expose it-- but ultimately, to voice my journey with my body and how I've learned to love it. <i>ALL </i>bodies are beautiful. Jesus is beauty. He crafted us and loves us so much, which is why we also have to care for our bodies at the same time-- let me explain.</p><p>Since being home in the San Francisco Bay Area, I've had a lot of time to reflect and the following are my musings-- things that I have learned and realized during these past few months. Again, I don't want to idealize the perfect body type nor compare, please hear my heart in this. While I was in England, I had to remind myself that I am Mexipino (Mexican and Filipino combined) becuase there weren't many Mexicans or Filipinos where I was. Now back home, I am seeing Hispanic and Filipino women/s bodies. I had to also remember that coming from the family that I have, comes with specific physical attributes that make my body different than the European demographic.</p><p>Now, I have to mention that while in Leicester, I FORSURE had a crush on this guy. Having a crush considers many things, some of those things is my image (how I looked), wondering if he could like me, and, of course, does he find me attractive. Again, I mention body types because I did wonder, what he found attractive. I did think that there were women there who I thought would be a WAY better choice than me because they were much prettier, more fit, and more perfect. Understanding that I have my own insecurities-- BUT who doesn't have these thoughts. Trust that I fully believe there is no competition. We, as women, get to build each other up and PLEASE-- as if I'd try to fight for a man's attention-- that's when I KNOW he's not the man for me. *snaps and puts a piece of my hair behind my ear* </p><p>There are always going to be attractive people. There are always going to be women who's bodies look nothing like mine and I love every inch of me. I know and believe that the Lord loves every part of me, which allows me to love my body where it is now, while taking care of it, which comes to my next thought.</p><p>I have to take care of my body. I don't want to hold my body to a higher standard than the Lord because I want to give the Lord everything, including my mind and body. This isn't out of force, but a joyful sacrifice. Taking care of my mind and body looks like working out, getting enough sleep, going on walks, worshiping, drinking WATER, eating MEAT (Sorry for non-meat eaters), having a healthy diet and, overall, walking into each day knowing and believing that the Lord created my body. </p><p>As I've grown up and learned my body, I noticed that when I work out, instead of getting "thinner" I don't get smaller, my muscles grow. When I drink milk, my face breaks out. When I don't drink enough water, I feel bloated. When I don't sleep enough, I'm tired the whole day. When I go don't go outside, I'm more anxious. I feel that I have to express that I don't require perfection, but being aware of what my body needs and refusing what it doesn't.</p><p>I also believe that our bodies respond to the way we think. If I hate my body, my body will show it. If I am ashamed of my body, my body will show it, but when I walk in my identity and joy that the Lord created me-- my body will show it. Praise God.</p><p>Romans 12:1-2 states, "Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God-- This is your true and proper worship. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is-- his good, pleasing, and perfect will (NIV).</p><p>Our bodies and minds are valuable to the way we interact and see the world. Jesus is worthy of these things and so much more. As far as my love for my body goes, I am grateful and so thankful of how my body looks and feels. The Lord created me and I am deeply grateful for the way He's crafted me. So in everything that I do, I do in worship unto Him.</p><p style="text-align: center;">Thank you for reading</p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-54402799014188473522022-11-26T19:53:00.000-08:002022-11-26T19:53:17.088-08:00Because Writing<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaD4UA16kBSXXJ7VsquAJPGSNXaFcDnS78DWUdxtGLgseGxAQV2_nSsApRQkX8nebJ8tsXB7Y9_ip5oJDDSENuaH6q6AFn2uNIe7Vfg05SrsqlSvbQ2WI2nfEjLPmcPKOkmJIqKR-uVh8ocU_U5Hm3vGZVr-HJi8IW69HClWiOkWJRjU2r3-f4VZlq/s4032/IMG_5248.HEIC" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="4032" data-original-width="3024" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiaD4UA16kBSXXJ7VsquAJPGSNXaFcDnS78DWUdxtGLgseGxAQV2_nSsApRQkX8nebJ8tsXB7Y9_ip5oJDDSENuaH6q6AFn2uNIe7Vfg05SrsqlSvbQ2WI2nfEjLPmcPKOkmJIqKR-uVh8ocU_U5Hm3vGZVr-HJi8IW69HClWiOkWJRjU2r3-f4VZlq/s320/IMG_5248.HEIC" width="240" /></a></div><br /><p>I have to admit, this has been well overdue and I find myself needing to do things that I enjoy doing-- writing being one of those things. Maybe I'll explain what writing means to me more so for my own sake than you, dear reader, so that I can see these words written-- or should I say-- typed out. Anyways, I feel the need to write about writing. </p><p>This makes me think of one of my university friends while I was studying English. There lives a mutual connection and understanding of having to write papers, reading texts, and talking about said texts that bonds us, so my friend would say, "We bleed ink." This is the life of a writer and it also makes me laugh because it's true and it was coming from my friend, who I miss very much. </p><p>I do believe that "bleeding ink" is an expression of what stories, words, and world perspectives live inside of us and a life as a writer let's it all out on paper... or screen... in order to share it-- a collective experience that allows others to be a part of, which I think is why I enjoy it so much. What also comes to mind is that I was shy growing up and writing was my source of expressing myself and letting people in on what I was thinking. Reading was also a contributing factor. </p><p>I was inspired by the way authors-- writers-- were able to start a story. In only a single paragraph, they were able to set up and share a world. Imagination a platform for people to connect and I believe it is a powerful thing. Creating stories is easy for me. Imagining these worlds are easy for me and reading is a place of escape; an opportunity to visit and explore these worlds that I would/ could never have imagined if it were not for these writers. To some extent, authors opened up themselves to these worlds that they have created so that others can be a part of it. </p><p>Writing is a platform for the imagination to explore and build creatively, as well as a point of connection. Writing helps me process and find stories that I didn't know were there. Writing helps clear my mind and right when I get lost in writing a story, I forget where I am. Writing is a place where I know anything can happen and it allows my heart to step into what I was made for.</p><p>I am a writer and it's hard to confess, but I have to do it more often. If you've read this far, thank you for reading and being a part of the process. </p><p><br /></p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-35663190146962336162022-05-25T06:47:00.000-07:002022-05-25T06:47:10.800-07:00Kool Kids Forever<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWa92ut_Kz9sS2keCGcVlkYq5xxrD_nSUm1DbJHr5O3KuIPD7LPc8Nnh50YzVPe_8P3iltYv512lyZ64aZ-TmnFBJS_7Sb5ZmXnIx61LIsLMoP4puQtT1PGrhm9lsRlytBnrZRC6tRHSiq6SShsBnae-EXKcBbwV6s3RfgsjYdznaGjWhFh0W-6OZs/s4032/C83E372C-E096-415E-8DBC-BF03AEBD57C5.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="3024" data-original-width="4032" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWa92ut_Kz9sS2keCGcVlkYq5xxrD_nSUm1DbJHr5O3KuIPD7LPc8Nnh50YzVPe_8P3iltYv512lyZ64aZ-TmnFBJS_7Sb5ZmXnIx61LIsLMoP4puQtT1PGrhm9lsRlytBnrZRC6tRHSiq6SShsBnae-EXKcBbwV6s3RfgsjYdznaGjWhFh0W-6OZs/s320/C83E372C-E096-415E-8DBC-BF03AEBD57C5.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><span style="text-align: justify;"><p>On May 21, 2022, a dear friend, Leeroy Gotami, passed away from an epileptic fit while in his sleep. The following morning, Saturday, 21st May, 2022-- friends and family were notified of his passing. I've written and rewritten this blog post, but I think it's important for me share the impact that Leeroy has had on not only the lives of his peers, but my life in particular. </p></span><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">I don't remember exactly how I met Leeroy, but I do have a specific memory that started our friendship. Sometime in early February after the 11:30AM service at Chroma, a group of us went to Nandos for lunch. There was about 8 or 9 of us in total. I got in a car with Ben and Leeroy and we drove to the Nandos in Fosse Park, which is a shopping center just outside the city. I sat in the back seat while Ben was driving and Leeroy was in shot gun, which made him DJ. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have to tell you the joy and simultaneous shock of the selection of songs that were played during this car ride and how BOTH of these guys, who are 20-years-old knew EVERY word to EVERY song. These were songs that filled my teenage life and I was in AWE! We all sang on the top of our lungs and I couldn't believe that they loved and enjoyed these songs! I laughed so much! There was a moment, I sat back taking it all in and thanked God for this moment. The Lord is so kind for bringing me here-- to Leicester, England, to Chroma Church to meet these lives-- to behold their hearts. I sat in that backseat letting the drive, music, and people set and ground deep into the core of my memory. I should mention that Leeroy and Ben had multiple sing-along sessions like this WAY before this magical moment, so it was so special getting to be a part of it. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">When we arrived to Fosse Park, Leeroy and Ben swore me to secrecy and that I could not mention this to anyone. Even though I am sharing this, I will not share the songs that were sung on this blogpost in order to keep The Kool Kids legacy alive. Later that day, I told Ellie (LOL). </p><p style="text-align: justify;">A few days later, Ellie, Ben, Leeroy and I were standing in the lobby of Chroma Church. At this point, Ellie had not fully experienced this karaoke joy ride, so Leeroy then suggested that we initiate Ellie into the group. I jokingly took them to the side of the lobby, only about 8 feet away and brought them into a huddle. Ben and Leeroy understood what I was trying to do and we talked over each other making this "meeting" meaningless as possible. All the while Ellie was laughing at how ridiculous we looked. We would whisper and look up at Ellie, then whispered again, then quickly shook hands. We would then test Ellie to see if she could be initiated. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I don't fully recall where we were going, but I can only assume we were (in the words of Benjamin Hunter) in the right place, the right time, the right people, and the right resources.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">And thus, the Kool Kids was born. We, very soon after this, created a group chat, which was named accordingly to the Kool Kids, but has now been changed to <i>Kool Kids Forever. </i></p><p style="text-align: justify;">It has been difficult and sad processing and interacting with the news that Leeroy is gone, but knowing that he gets to worship King Jesus has brought comfort and joy. As for now, it's been so beautiful getting to see the fruit of a community choose Jesus and knowing that I know that I know that God is faithful, true, and kind remains the foundation-- always-- a holy communion of two separate, but tethered realities of celebration and mourning of a friend. It's weird, but the Lord is in it. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Leeroy always brought so much joy, depth, and fun. He was always willing to wait and stay with the one that needed help, time, and great tunes. He was a great friend. I am incredibly grateful to have met Leeroy and to see the community he's created around him. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">If you are moved to donate towards Leeroy's family at this time, you can do so at this link, <a href="https://chromachurch.churchsuite.com/donate/fund/sp0sidvi https://chromachurch.churchsuite.com/donate/fund/sp0sidvi" target="_blank">here</a>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I pray that the Holy Spirit covers and fills you as you say <i>YES</i> to today and that you see another part of Jesus' face. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-86770072064220882232022-01-05T06:57:00.005-08:002022-01-05T07:07:50.244-08:00Burritos, Driving, and Change<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgttwcKA60UdOUDj-m5wginYVpot-b_C5ssg_9P-ooYnI-ysvxDRKYV1THJfud50iXSCv68aXktvasXWK4tCo9RRGYgGEb2snaY3xoUqCnIPy2HY2gGZKpatmWcTMsJnLyDt8WAZnXfExaXD04CChH-V1GqcASQEa1gwdif1rqOPzxL5htnlkzTxHWF=s1800" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1800" data-original-width="1440" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgttwcKA60UdOUDj-m5wginYVpot-b_C5ssg_9P-ooYnI-ysvxDRKYV1THJfud50iXSCv68aXktvasXWK4tCo9RRGYgGEb2snaY3xoUqCnIPy2HY2gGZKpatmWcTMsJnLyDt8WAZnXfExaXD04CChH-V1GqcASQEa1gwdif1rqOPzxL5htnlkzTxHWF=s320" width="256" /></a></div><br /> Hello!<p></p><p>I have officially been in England close to four months now, and with a new culture, people, and places-- comes with change. At the beginning of December, I have been thinking a lot about the things I've been missing. Things such as family, food, burritos, <i>the ocean</i>, driving, and the Bay Area-- its air, busy-ness, seafood, and morning fog. These are things that have stapled a place and time in my life. Currently, I don't have a car, a job, or the easy access to a large body of water,. *Cue <i>How Far I'll Go</i> From "Moana"*</p><p>It's a strange feeling missing things, but knowing <b>completely</b> that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. There is a deep yearning to want to take my family and those who have invested in me from the US to Leicester and introduce you to Chroma Church and the people that I've been able to know these past few months-- and I can't believe its only been a few months!! It makes me think of how many more people I'm going to be able to meet that I haven't yet met.</p><p>There are some days that I'll look at pictures and think about my friends and family. Standing with them at the given time and place when the photo or video was taken. I know that I'll get to see them again, but I've allowed myself to simply <i>miss</i> them. </p><p>As much as I've missed things, people, and places, I've let myself feel them-- to feel the difference and change of the season that I'm currently in and because of this, I'm doing a lot better. I have learned a lot with making sure that I'm aware of how I feel, yet I try not to let it dictate my life. Feelings are tools and they are <i>real</i>, but the extent in which I let them control me is a place that I lay at the foot of the cross very often. </p><p>I'm learning this beautiful tension of living and pressing into the <i>yes</i> that I've given to a time and place and realize it's a part of being human-- to accept that things change, which makes me incredibly grateful for new experiences, meeting new people and becoming a better version of myself. I thank God for loving me so much that He doesn't want to <b>keep</b> me where I am. As much as things can change, I lay down any and all control-- yes, He gives us the option to accept or deny things in our life because it's a relationship, but to be moved by love and obedience to the Lord of lords is how I want to live my life. Overall, I am grateful and I wouldn't want it any other way to be here in England <i>with</i> the people that I get to be here with. I pray that the Lord reveals Himself to you in every season of your life. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p><p><br /></p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Leicester, UK52.6368778 -1.139759224.326643963821155 -36.2960092 80.947111636178846 34.0164908tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-58455292009795224042021-11-27T07:02:00.004-08:002021-11-27T07:02:59.079-08:00The Lives We Hold<p> </p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj0Xz-0YQthM0ncJN3l6nxQPQw4FVablvbaDNPjqOdTbVsuxo52c8YKioSutyPEU_UYyuVU2X18oEC0QGjKNZhxIij0KeVKviEPESe_DUh90UEI4BohM636EAosidO8rnuw1Q9KxLNkO1rvFvv83ot0rRx6ScgxOdnphF3yGKta7ddLnKhjcbl2vSE2=s2048" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1153" data-original-width="2048" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEj0Xz-0YQthM0ncJN3l6nxQPQw4FVablvbaDNPjqOdTbVsuxo52c8YKioSutyPEU_UYyuVU2X18oEC0QGjKNZhxIij0KeVKviEPESe_DUh90UEI4BohM636EAosidO8rnuw1Q9KxLNkO1rvFvv83ot0rRx6ScgxOdnphF3yGKta7ddLnKhjcbl2vSE2=s320" width="320" /></a></div><p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">This past week, my Third Year team and I got to go to Birmingham for an evangelic intensive training, which was taking place at Chroma Church Birmingham. I got to meet so many new people and I learned how to proactively share the Gospel, which ended with going out in pairs within the Birmingham city center. On my third night away from Leicester, I was brushing my teeth and I thought about Chroma and the people that are currently living in Leicester. While getting ready for bed, I had a wave hit me. <i>I miss Leicester</i>. I miss the my bed, the house, and the people there. Being able to go to Birmingham was a so much fun and the people that I got to meet there was a gift, but I think I was faced with how much of a home Chroma and the people are have been. When we got back to Leicester and went to church on Sunday, I <i>LEGIT</i> started crying (Of course)! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Then a thought crossed my mind. If the Lord hadn't put me on a plane in order to meet and interact with the lives here, I would never have known that these lives existed. <b>What an honor it is to know and behold these lives. </b>One of the things that I learned while at First Year that my Revival Group Pastor, Jeremy Gonzales, said was, "What you carry, everyone needs and what everyone else carries, you need." We are all deeply important and significant to God and the advancement of His Kingdom. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have to admit that some of the reasons I'm here is (yes because of the Lord), but it's also because of BSSM, my parents, friends and mentors. I think about how <i>hard</i> it was to make the decision to redo 2nd Year of BSSM. The moments when I was kneeling on the ground in the Bethel sanctuary crying out for the Lord to change my circumstances-- yet still <i>knowing</i> and <i>believing</i> that He is so <i style="font-weight: bold;">worthy</i> of adoration and praise. He is worthy of every YES. Even what I don't feel like it-- even when I don't see it! <b>He is WORTHY!</b> When my heart whispers or roars for the Lord, He is always willing and ready to show up. I think of these moments and I am <i>moved</i> by the King. He has given me a gift, a gift of freedom, love, and joy! He has given me a place and people that I get to run with-- to go after <i>love</i>. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">My heart and soul is moved by the Lord of lords! The Prince of Peace! He is a God that is alive and moving. Dear reader, if you just found this blogpost and have not made a decision to live your life as a follower of Jesus-- I invite you to make a decision, which is the best decision of your life. Your life is full of purpose and calling. You are made to host the Holy Spirit-- filled with passions and talents created with intention and love. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">If you want to make a decision to follow Jesus, please send me a message on any of my social media platforms and I want to pray for you.</p><p style="text-align: center;">With All That I am,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Leicester, UK52.6368778 -1.1397592-27.01210743259805 -141.76476992883605 90 139.48525152883607tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-24338281679166778132021-10-28T17:00:00.000-07:002021-10-28T17:00:38.907-07:00Letting Him In<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjACsgLBX9o1rMZQIGSmT1iwkt9d7RZ2rS-sqNfGpJ8-R46LKfPjiCr0kO14mKENpuY-yLXALxPAAyrgMNZdOX-RH0TJtNLxMv4rCeQV6Z8o6bk21i6iZhxZNZwfAUZn3QRNcxfbDG2st9tKwG1xwm73qoNwbrhmrp3njb5H_QkC-4GL43Hxai_JIW4=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjACsgLBX9o1rMZQIGSmT1iwkt9d7RZ2rS-sqNfGpJ8-R46LKfPjiCr0kO14mKENpuY-yLXALxPAAyrgMNZdOX-RH0TJtNLxMv4rCeQV6Z8o6bk21i6iZhxZNZwfAUZn3QRNcxfbDG2st9tKwG1xwm73qoNwbrhmrp3njb5H_QkC-4GL43Hxai_JIW4=s320" width="320" /></a></div><p>Dear Reader,</p><p style="text-align: justify;">How are you doing? Or if you're in the UK, people are most likely to say, <i>You alright?</i> which I think is so cool! It's fun to see the ways that culture, people, and language cultivate a space! It's been about a month and a couple weeks since I've been in Leicester and I'm still learning and taking in all that I can. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">If you haven't yet read my most recent blogpost where I talk about my first three weeks in Leicester, England, you can read that <a href="https://www.deartizaporah.com/2021/10/i-moved-to-leicester-england.html" target="_blank">here</a>. In some regard, it still does feel like I just arrived to Leicester even after a month and a couple of weeks in Leicester. There's so much He's been doing!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I think I've gotten to the point to some degree that I have fully settled in and have my schedule on lockdown. I have days off on Saturdays and Wednesdays. Student Church on Thursday nights; Admin and meetings throughout the week; and Sunday services all day. I do find time to rest and unwind, which I have to be extra intentional about, but it's all been so much fun and a great learning season!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">As much as being here is fun, new, and exciting; it has also come with its challenges. I do miss my family. I'm learning what it's like interceding and praying for situations in my life that were left broken. I'm still learning a lot about what it takes to be a part of the "behind-the-scenes" process of being in a church, but I am incredibly comforted by the King of kings. I have to be honest, I left the US with a couple open wounds. I mean-- leaving Redding, I felt like I left completely loved and championed. Leaving Redding meant being surrounded by people who said <i>We'll miss you, but go! </i>( I miss those guys!!)</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Leaving Redding, I let myself feel the pain that came with leaving a community of people, a place I called home outside of my own family home. I felt like I've mourned and grieved all that I could. I thought I moved on and gave the attention my feelings needed in order to process fully. Once we begin to think that a Christian life is supposed to be perfect, we've lost. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">A few weeks ago at Student Church, Amelia, who is the Youth & Students pastor at Chroma, preached on inviting the Holy Spirit into our lives and hearts no matter the condition that we're in. She used the analogy of the multiple ways in which we clean up our houses depending on who's coming over. There are specific people who we invite over and everything has to be spotless. On the other hand, there is a friend who can come over even when the house is a complete mess. Amelia (or Meels) prompted us and asked <b>which scenario do we invite the Holy Spirit into our lives</b>. <i>Ouch. </i>It was so <b>good! </b>I'd hope to think that I invite the Holy Spirit in all the time. But I waited on the Lord and I heard Him say, <i>Can I heal that part of your heart</i>. And I knew exactly what He was referring to. <b>I flinched</b>. I was shocked. I thought I had healed. I thought I had moved on. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">After a few minutes, I let the Father in. I let Him take the dry, itchy scab off and I <i>cried</i>. I let love in and at its center-- it was this yearning and hope for connection. It was this desire for the things that were left broken to be set back in place. Isn't it like God to bring things up that I don't fully understand, but willing to mourn and grieve <i>with </i>us. To think about His kindness and patience to ask and heal those parts that I didn't know <i>needed</i> healing. I blows my mind. I've been able to talk to Tim and my team about what the Lord is doing in my heart. Tim, though, prompted me with a solution, which was to get on the alter and ask the Lord to <i>burn</i> me. This is costly. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">These past few weeks, I have been learning, asking, and pursuing the Lord in what burning on the alter looks like. I don't know if I can fully explain what it's like to encounter the Holy Spirit, but I can try. Burning on the alter looks like worship to Jesus-- <b>beautiful, worthy, and holy King Jesus! </b>To let Him strip away everything and in return knowing that He is <i>worthy</i> of all of my affection, attention, and adoration. There is nothing else that I want, but HIM! To stare in the eyes of Jesus and see how they burn for me-- for sons and daughters to know their true and full identity as children of God! To offer my life over and over and over and over and over again because that is what He's worth-- and so. much. MORE! My Love and best friend! JESUS! </p><p style="text-align: center;">I CANNOT LIVE A LIFE THAT ISN'T CHANGED BY HIM!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">To look at His face and die, knowing that He will blow life back in! <i>Isn't it like Him! He is worthy! HOLY AND BEAUTIFUL KING. </i>More and more does the unfortunate circumstances that come with life become smaller in the presence of God. He is so much bigger than I can ever imagine.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I'm still learning and I pray that the Lord forever teaches me how to die and burn for Him!</p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-84740033030559275092021-10-06T06:17:00.000-07:002021-10-06T06:17:09.442-07:00I moved to Leicester, England!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgz5ENiEbY41kVoLOTMFGx9aoJoHdn-rnqQ9Wyp_XVEZd59yZCCHaPmUqW96pzZe8jWNGdA2EJWpW2D851p-rh7reP1GmgyPV6YAsq1Xod9c_8l8dNp3_iSEy4bzcFBOkyUseMYhAXdALJz7iqCskOgyDDp0A5yhbpRW4tEDxisevdG7kGiZOXgUSkZ=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgz5ENiEbY41kVoLOTMFGx9aoJoHdn-rnqQ9Wyp_XVEZd59yZCCHaPmUqW96pzZe8jWNGdA2EJWpW2D851p-rh7reP1GmgyPV6YAsq1Xod9c_8l8dNp3_iSEy4bzcFBOkyUseMYhAXdALJz7iqCskOgyDDp0A5yhbpRW4tEDxisevdG7kGiZOXgUSkZ=s320" width="320" /></a></div><p><span style="text-align: justify;">It's officially three full weeks in England and I wanted to take a moment to express and write out what it's been like so far! I recently sent out an October email, which you can view <a href="https://us5.campaign-archive.com/?u=825e499a4e5fd009a709a0564&id=8f944f8bc0" target="_blank"><b>here</b></a>. I talk about the ministry opportunities and team introductions in that email, but I will mentioned it on this post as well. So if you are not subscribed and would like to, you can do so on the right-hand-side of my blog page. </span></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Wow wow wow! Every morning I wake up, I think <i>I can't believe I'm here</i> and every time I go to sleep, I think, <i>This is what I want to do</i>. On my first day here, I did not have <b>any</b> jet lag, which I am so grateful for! I did roughly 30 hours of traveling and I was so exhausted that by the time I got to the house that I'll be staying in for the year and got ready for bed-- I fell asleep instantly. The next day, I got to meet Tim Churchward, his wife, Jess, and their two little chickadees! Tim is my Third Year mentor this year and one of the Lead pastors at Chroma Church.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I also got to check-out Chroma Youth, which was so much fun! I met so many people and I walked into the main sanctuary of Chroma for the first time. I have been watching Chroma's live streams on YouTube for about a year and a half, so getting to see it for my own eyes and to <i>be </i>there in the room-- I kept thinking about what my relationship with God has been like. All the hard things, good things, and waiting seasons. I was marveled and in awe of who God is and what He's done in my life. I started crying (of course) and as the days progressed, I was letting the reality of being in a different country sink in, especially since England has been a place where I've always wanted to go. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Later in the week, we had a conference called Leaders Gathering, where people from all over the UK could come and encounter a refreshing breathe and filling of the Holy Spirit. Many of the people who attended were church leaders and (in some instances) was their first time attending a gathering like this since lockdown started. The Lord met His kids and people encountered the Lord deeply. It was an honor to pour out and to be poured into. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">More recently, we got to go on retreat with our team to the countryside, which was my first time-- there has been a lot of firsts since coming to the UK. We walked out through the fields and followed the trail into the forest. It was so much fun! After our walk, we shared stories, prepared lunch, and met the rest of Tim's team. It was on this retreat that my third year team and I were officially put on ministry teams where we'll be serving for the year. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I will be helping with Student ministry (College age students), Administration, and Tough Topics. Each of us were also placed into a Revival Group (RG) and I will be joining Katy Ball's RG for the year, which I am so excited about! As an intern, I will also be a part of the connect team for Chroma, as well as the ministry team, where I'll get to pray and serve the congregation. God is moving in this place and I am so grateful that He chose me. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">That still moves my heart-- He chose me and He will <i>keep</i> choosing me. Dear reader, the Lord chose you. If you think that your life lacks purpose or calling-- that is a lie and you are made for such a time as this! </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Your life has purpose.</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>You are full of His calling!</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">Your passions and goals in life is what the Lord wants to use. I charge and encourage you that when we lay down our dreams at the foot of the cross, He will <u style="font-style: italic; font-weight: bold;">USE</u> them!! He <b>wants</b> to do life with us! All it takes is a <i>yes</i>. All it takes is saying <i>yes</i> to Him and that's all He needs. <i>You </i>are all that He NEEDS! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I want to take this moment to say that I am so proud of you! Where you are now, at the place that you are in now. I am so proud of you! It is without a doubt that the Lord, the savior of the world is even more proud of you! If you need to hear that the war is won because Jesus already fought it for you-- hear it now. That's what He does. He will fight for you and say that it is your victory because that is how He <i>loves</i>.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">You've. WON!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Being here in Leicester, England, is something I could not have thought up on my own. So many things needed to happen with the Lord in order to fully step into what He had for me here. There were so many hard moments, but there were even sweeter moments still. I don't have life figured out and I never want to get to a place where I've convinced myself that I have it all figured out or under control, but the Lord is there every step of the way. Hold fast to Him and chose life with Him-- things will change! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Dear Reader, thank you for investing time into reading this post and I hope that you encounter God in such deep and sweet ways! He is so patient with us. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-57197613479861692892021-08-19T20:47:00.004-07:002021-08-20T00:39:40.722-07:00The Bay Area<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiqKpe4Tit1QKATwTajUJXnXFOCB0q371DqnolbAyzR6_EKeTtUKh9lW9nNjp25qhth-8vYxlrwIt84ro5ndOMQuzvXeBAcG7vTXtEVasp1VyP3TuR0btSoeRaKM33CTaZ4V91yRUiJGube9XG-XNr8TepN0gnQD7AytUnZu42RseZl0yVegFECr9FM=s2048" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1720" data-original-width="2048" height="269" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEiqKpe4Tit1QKATwTajUJXnXFOCB0q371DqnolbAyzR6_EKeTtUKh9lW9nNjp25qhth-8vYxlrwIt84ro5ndOMQuzvXeBAcG7vTXtEVasp1VyP3TuR0btSoeRaKM33CTaZ4V91yRUiJGube9XG-XNr8TepN0gnQD7AytUnZu42RseZl0yVegFECr9FM=s320" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="text-align: left;">Hello!</span></div><p style="text-align: justify;">It's officially two and half weeks since I've moved from Redding, California, to the Bay Area. I had hoped to have been in Leicester, England by the 15th, but I feel that there has been so much grace and God's hand over the timing of everything. Considering that I was planning on being home for only two weeks, the Lord knew that I needed more time than that. I'm starting to realize that the timing of securing housing in Leicester has also been such great timing, too, because if I had left when <i>I</i> planned to leave, I'm not sure if I would have any place to stay. All I'm waiting for is my Visa Decision and even that brings comfort in knowing that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be-- there is no rush. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Going back home, I have gotten more insight to my family and their day-to-day life for more than three days would have given me because three days is the most I would have been able to spend with my family at a time while I lived in Redding. It's really cool getting to learn the knick-knacks and routines that my family has, which I am incredibly grateful to get to be a part of. There's a great difference being exposed to people and places that aren't a part of our "regular" schedules. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I've noticed the subtlety of how much things have changed in my parents and younger sister's personalities; the growth that I see in my nieces and nephews; and the way my own hometown has gone reconstruction with torn down and rebuilt streets and buildings. I find that in some of my reflections driving through the East Bay, the City, and revisiting places that I've spent so much time in have changed. It's almost as if these towns and places represent how much the people in my own life has change. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have to emphasize the depth of how much I've realized things have changed since I left Redding. Not to say that things have to be put on pause when I leave a place, but there is some comfort going back to familiar places. The Bay Area is home. My family is <i>home</i>. I have been in Redding for the past seven years, but it wasn't until 2015 that I've officially (all-year-round) started living in Redding. So coming back, I've felt like to some degree that everything was going to be the same. In some instances, things are, but there were conversations that happened that I wasn't a part of; trips that I didn't get to attend; and family/extended family birthdays that I didn't get to celebrate. These walls and the seats of cars have witnessed life these past few years that I never could. It may sound dramatic and I'm sure that different walls and places have witnessed how much I've changed, which needed to happen, but I'm processing this new perspective of time and the lives we get to be a part of. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">In the places that I've gotten to revisit like the Palace Hotel in San Francisco, Univeristy Avenue in Berkeley, and the Barnes and Nobles in El Cerrito. Other people have occupied the aisles and tables I once stood in, walked through, and revisited countless times before. It's different and I'll count on things changing even after I leave. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Change can be scary, but it's also necessary. I've changed. My family has changed. My hometown has changed. It's a part of life and I feel that when it's officially time to get on that plane to Leicester-- I'm excited to see what other changes will take place. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0San Francisco Bay Area, CA, USA37.8271784 -122.29130789.51694251519758 -157.447560482209 66.137414284802418 -87.135055117790984tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-46876640952724504072021-07-06T14:03:00.003-07:002021-07-06T14:03:29.343-07:00I'm Moving to England!!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jKILTeK-RHA/YOQX_OMtSxI/AAAAAAAA3XQ/9wYwMqT_v4Yy4cX9TTFNSRnhMKdtu9xAACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_4433.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-jKILTeK-RHA/YOQX_OMtSxI/AAAAAAAA3XQ/9wYwMqT_v4Yy4cX9TTFNSRnhMKdtu9xAACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/IMG_4433.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: justify;">Hello!!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Summer has officially picked up in Redding and I'm grateful for the days when it gets is at least 100 degrees outside (Yes! I know!), but nonetheless, I'm taking in all that Redding summers offer. I want to write this blog post detailing a bit about what I'll be doing within the next month and half, which is insane to think about! There are a few moments that I start tearing up because all I can see is Jesus' face-- and that's all I want to see, but at the same time trying to be present and living each moment as much as I can!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">As many of you know, I graduated from Second Year at BSSM in Redding, CA, in early May, which was filled with such deeper levels of knowing the living, breathing Father and letting those encounters with Him change who I am because they have to change me. This past year was so necessary and incredibly transforming. God's presence has filled each meeting, each conversation, and each moment. His love and kindness has been so tangible and undeniably <i>beautiful</i>. I want to take this moment, as well, to thank you for reading this post and if you have supported me in any way-- financially or through prayer-- I am incredibly thankful because I got to know and see the Lord! The Holy Spirit has tangibly moved and touched my heart and soul! To know Him for the rest of my life has become my greatest desire! So, thank you from the deepest parts of who I am because you have played a special part in where God is taking me. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">After completing the Second Year Program at BSSM, graduates get to apply for Third Year, which gives us the opportunity to be mentored by affiliated leaders within the Bethel Church Community including the global church. When starting Second Year in 2020, I knew that I wanted to pursue Third Year and I had a leader in mind, but I also knew that when starting Second Year, it couldn't just be about Third Year, it <b>needed</b> to be about HIM! And I got HIM!! God is the greatest gift and remains the greatest person that I have ever received. I've laid down dreams, my future, and my life to wanting to serve and love King Jesus.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Since, I knew God was on Third year, I decided to apply for a leader that I've known for about roughly a year, which after applying and going through an interview process, I can officially say that I will be interning with <a href="https://youtu.be/T1rhVIqV5Jo" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Tim Churchward</span></a>, who is on the Pastor Leadership Team at <a href="https://www.chroma.church/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Chroma Church</span></a> in......... <a href="https://goo.gl/maps/XR7RnjeEdrbyTve98" style="color: #6aa84f;" target="_blank">LEICESTER, ENGLAND</a>. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>I'M MOVING TO ENGLAND!!!</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">CRAZY, RIGHT!! I could not have thought this up! For those who know me, I graduated with a degree in English, which meant that I would go to England because it is the motherland of my major and a right of passage because I've dedicated years to learning its Literature, English Language, and history.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">It's definitely felt kinda weird and different knowing that things are going to change. Guys, this is a dream come true. After I had the interview with Tim, he thought it best to give ourselves a week to think and pray about it. While waiting for an answer and bringing this potential opportunity to the Holy Spirit, I prayed and worshiped knowing that the Lord is worthy and kind. I told the Lord that is He didn't want me to go to England, I don't want to go! His desires are my desires and all I want is more of Him-- however that looks in my life. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">During the waiting portion, I watched a movie called <i><a href="https://youtu.be/OWEgUhWU4g4" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Clouds</span></a></i> on Disney+ (it's a great movie, you should go watch it!!), which is about a boy who has terminal cancer and has only 6 months to live. By the end of the film, he asks the audience a question, which was, <i>If you had 6 months to live how would you spend it?</i> Three things popped into my head, but I'll only share two. (1) If given the chance, I would go to England and (2) I would worship my King-- King Jesus. That is what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to go where my Love goes, I want to be where my best friend is! Jesus is my greatest love and an incredible friend! My heart resounds with thankfulness and I am incredibly honored to be chosen and to have this opportunity to run after Jesus face!</p><p style="text-align: left;">Thank you so much for reading!</p><p style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p><div style="text-align: justify;">The following are links where you can follow me on social media and my Go Fund Me Page!</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-send-mj-to-the-uk?utm_source=customer&utm_medium=copy_link&utm_campaign=p_cf+share-flow-1" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Go Fun Me</span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.instagram.com/tizaporah13/"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Instagram</span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://twitter.com/tizaporah13" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">Twitter</span></a></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/thatonegirl375/featured" target="_blank"><span style="color: #6aa84f;">YouTube</span></a></div>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276303715197582 -157.547928082209 68.896775484802419 -87.235422717790982tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-33836493097944198062021-06-03T13:38:00.009-07:002021-06-09T22:31:39.337-07:00Dear Summer: Part 4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CnIonbtnm14/YLk4Y6yM8rI/AAAAAAAA2s4/sL06pXDehFUIkFNzKp39M26lKjJT-NXOgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_3766.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1152" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CnIonbtnm14/YLk4Y6yM8rI/AAAAAAAA2s4/sL06pXDehFUIkFNzKp39M26lKjJT-NXOgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/IMG_3766.jpg" /></a></div><p>Dear Summer,</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I can't believe it's already June, which means that it's been a while since the last time we saw you. Trust me, I'm excited for you to fully unpack and settle in, but as a Bay Native, who <i>loves</i> cold weather-- please take your time getting here. The last time you had come into town, the world was breaking, running, mourning, and experiencing and waiting for change on every aspect of life. Hearts were broken, disappointed, but expectant and hopeful. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Since the last time we saw each other, I was just starting 2nd Year. I remember standing in your heat unworried about how this year would unfold. But now that you're back, I am proud to say that I graduated 2nd Year at BSSM and that I was accepted to be a Third Year, which I will officially announce at a later date!! Trust me, it's really great news! This year was incredibly beautiful and it has been marked by encounters with the power of God and incredible, beautiful, sold-out-for-the King Revivalists. Very often, I thought about what would have happened in my life if I had made different choices. If I hadn't done BSSM, Simpson, or pursued that passions that filled my heart! I get more and more shocked by how life unfolds by the choices we make.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Considering how last year went, you have come in really nice, gradually letting us know that you are moving in. I remember the days that you came to check-up on us earlier in the year when I wasn't expecting such warm days. I usually enjoy surprises, but weather is something I take in high regard. You have no idea how tightly I'm going to be holding onto you for the next few months. I feel this year, you will be full of <i>Good-byes</i>, until-next-times<i>, </i>longer hugs, excitement, adventure, different accents, and time zones. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I'm starting to think about the first time I ever wrote to you. I remember being nervous and a little scared when you came because of our history, but we learned how to trust each other again. I've learned a lot from you and how time can bring both pain and joy. A lot of things are going to change as the year progresses and there is incredible excitement, but I'm starting to realize that with change comes letting go. Maybe that's why we don't do so well at first when things change.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I'd like to consider you as close friend and I hope you think the same of me. A few days ago, I was looking at old videos and pictures of my old friends. There were a few moments when I really wanted to go back to those moments, to go back to that part of my life before <i>everything</i> changed. I've learned that things happen in our life that we can't fully explain, but what matters most is how we respond. And that's where grace comes in. Grace to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to grow from them. As I sat looking at these old videos and pictures, there was an urge to want to go back to that exact moment and fix the choices I made. Then I start thinking about where I am and who I've become in this moment.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">As much as I would want to change things, there still remains a deeper longing for what Jesus has done in and through those moments. I rather the good and bad all mixed into knowing and believing that I have King Jesus with me-- my Savior, Love, and Best Friend. I wouldn't trade this year for anything. I've encountered the love of a Father like never before and as much as I want to go back to those friendships, life-stages, and moments-- I'm just as thankful to be out of that. I have the greatest opportunity to walk healed and growing in the reality of who I am as a Daughter of the Father. I'm not completely sure what I wanted this letter to look like, but I think what I've written is a reflection of where I am right now. I'm sure some of this doesn't make any sense, but I guess that's all part of the process. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I'm grateful that you're here and all I ask is that you stay close and maybe bring in some rainy days, if you can.</p><div style="text-align: center;">Much Love,<br />MJ</div>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-26505600514672380982021-03-07T13:23:00.004-08:002021-07-20T02:37:45.712-07:00Fully Man | Daniel Hardy Jr: Look At My Boy <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FJlH71W8PBM/YEKXg_fgkcI/AAAAAAAA0GA/mvZr2ZI3CCII-slUdUgMF_406JoPBy1SwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_7508.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1536" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FJlH71W8PBM/YEKXg_fgkcI/AAAAAAAA0GA/mvZr2ZI3CCII-slUdUgMF_406JoPBy1SwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/IMG_7508.jpg" /></a></div><h4 style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><br /></h4><h4 style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Daniel Hardy Jr. is a current 2nd Year BSSM student, who I have the honor of knowing and being in the same Revival Group this year! He is from Anchorage, Alaska, but has made Redding, California, his home with his wife, Mariah. He graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Communications at the University of Idaho and hopes to pursue his Master's. Daniel's story is one that holds God's love and redemption of a son willing to lead in the Gospel while integrating creativity and connection. Daniel carries hope, joy, and love so well!! I know Daniel to be an incredible man of God, one who covers and moves just as Father God does. The following is Daniel's story answering the question, <i>When was the moment you realized you were becoming a man?</i></h4><p>Hello, my name is Daniel Hardy Jr.</p><p>I want to start off by sharing a poem. The title of this poem is: <u style="text-align: center;">Look At My Boy</u></p><h4 style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: center;">Sure he's a man, yes, there's a beard </div><div style="text-align: center;">Indeed he is handsome, and sure, he is weird.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But look at his life! Look how he loves! </div><div style="text-align: center;">He looks just like Me, spreading peace like a dove</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">But there's more for you Daniel, just take hold of my hand. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Remember the poem, footprints in the sand?</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">I have always been there, and I always will be, </div><div style="text-align: center;">Spread your arms and jump into the depths of the sea</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">You learn how to swim, now learn now to fly,</div><div style="text-align: center;">Taking risks when I'm present is like eating a pie</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Sweet potato that is, your favorite of course,</div><div style="text-align: center;">It's gonna be fun, like driving a Porsche</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">So don't worry about perfection, it's okay if it's messy</div><div style="text-align: center;">When you step into who you are, it will even bless Me.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Look at my boy! He's the apple of My eye,</div><div style="text-align: center;">I care about completion, but I love when he tries.</div></h4><p style="text-align: justify;">That was the first poem I wrote in my Creative Arts class during second year at BSSM. I've always played around with words, and I love poetry and hip-hop, but I had never before taken proactive steps to grow in this specific area. Although it had felt like something I was gifted in, and definitely something I was passionate about, I allowed fear and doubt to suffocate that idea of pursing Spoken Word.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I wanted to start off with a poem, because it's very vulnerable to share your art with people, especially publicly! And when I think of the question, "When was the moment you realized you were becoming a man," so much of that process is inextricably connected to vulnerability, and making decisions even when they're scary.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I grew up in a household with 2 parents, and I knew they loved me. It took me much longer however, to discover how emotionally shut down they were. This inevitably had a profound effect on me, and I learned to bottle up my emotions. I didn't ever feel safe to fully express with my parents, or anyone really, what I was so unaware of what was going on within my heart, that even when I matured into a young adult, I would react to pain in extremely unhealthy ways.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">This is common for all people, but I would say in some ways even more so for men. From an early age, young boys are force fed the idea that manliness looks like being macho, strong, being sexually desirable, and being unaffected by pain.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">What perpetuates these stereotypes? Society... pop culture... friends... maybe our parents? Did you ever hear these words: "Stop crying before I give you something to cry about!"</p><p style="text-align: justify;">OR</p><p style="text-align: justify;">"Boys don't cry! Man up!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I don't think I really grew into manhood until I learned that crying was a gift. Some things in life happen to you that are so painful that the only way to heal is to give your heart permission to grieve. I didn't know I could actually do that. That I could give my heart permission to feel, process, and let go. At 33 years old, I've cried more in the last 8 years fo my life than the previous 25 combined, and I'm a much healthier man because of it.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">It's obviously vulnerable to cry, so I learned how important it is to invite Holy Spirit into that process with you. (For the record, it's very beneficial to invite God into everything you do!!). It was amazing knowing I'd be comforted by the Great Comforter Himself, God our loving Father. There's nothing like getting wrapped up in His wonderful Presence like a warm blanket after a good cry.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">When the floodgates of tears were finally opened, so were the gates of my emotions. I'm still very much a work in progress, but I finally was able to feel things. I heard God more clearly, and I felt more empowered by His Spirit. By His power and grace, He gave me the strength in my weakness to get free from pornography and being promiscuous. I made the bold decision to wait until marriage before I had sex again. I never did before, from the ages of 16-27, but I knew what I wanted and I trusted God in that.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I knew I was becoming a man when I took ownership of my messes and was willing to clean them up. I remember contacting women I had been with, telling them the truth for the first time, and asking for forgiveness. I exposed my dirt and my faults. Talk about vulnerability and doing things that scare you!! But I wanted to continue walking the path of vulnerability and reconciliation that the Lord has (and still has) me on.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I knew I was becoming a man when I told the girl I wanted to date my darkest secret. The thing that I thought would push her away. I was so scared to tell her, but God reminded me of something. He said "I want you to tell her son." And I said, "No way God!! She'll think I'm disgusting and gross. She'll leave me!" And Jesus responded by saying this "Even if she does leave you Daniel, I never will."</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Wow. I knew I was becoming a man when I learned how to be a son. I want to be obedient and please my Heavenly Father. Thanks be to God, 6 years later and I'm not married to that girl He empowered me to be vulnerable with.</p><div style="text-align: justify;">Those are just some of the examples I can give, but I'll finish with one more. You know you're becoming a man when you realize that this life isn't about accomplishing things and arriving at a destination. Rather, it's about abiding in Jesus Christ. We can't do anything of true value and sustain it without Him.</div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">From a Grateful Son,</div><div style="text-align: center;">Daniel Hardy Jr.</div>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-39397496603606513482021-02-26T22:53:00.003-08:002021-07-07T11:00:20.890-07:00Fully Man | Tou Mua: The Created Man<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CQapYQr0Qcg/YDmMA2AKqiI/AAAAAAAAz5o/2mhhkPN1saEc0Ccpq1JyHG3Vd2KCnIR8gCPcBGAsYHg/s2560/04D2B206-7C4A-448E-94B8-DB676DB21136.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1919" data-original-width="2560" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CQapYQr0Qcg/YDmMA2AKqiI/AAAAAAAAz5o/2mhhkPN1saEc0Ccpq1JyHG3Vd2KCnIR8gCPcBGAsYHg/s320/04D2B206-7C4A-448E-94B8-DB676DB21136.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /><h4 style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Tou Mua is currently attending Simpson University in Redding, California, and is in his last semester of his undergrad career. He will be graduating this May with a Bachelor's Degree in Cross-Cultural Studies. He is originally from Chico, California, but currently resides in Redding with his wife, Jessica, and their two cats, Kiki and Mojo. I've known Tou for a couple of years and have seen the ways he carries a heart passionate for the lost and instills purpose and community into those he interacts with. His intentionality to serve, care for, and celebrate those around him offers inspiration, hope, and guidance. I am so incredibly thankful to know Tou and the following is his essay answering the question <i>When was the moment you realized you were becoming a man.</i></h4><p>Hello Friends, </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I am excited to be a part of this Fully Man Series and share with you all about the moments that helped me realize when I was becoming a man in a world where navigating through manhood and adulthood is a challenge that all men face. I hope that through my sharing with you all about my personal experiences and thoughts, it will encourage and provide you a perspective to shape your thoughts and views of manhood within your very own lens. Before I dive into sharing with everyone about my journey so far in becoming a man and what it has looked like for me, I would like to attempt to provide you all a framework of my views and thoughts of what it means to be a man with the hope that it will help you to best understand where I am coming from. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">When I ask myself, "When was the moment I realized that I was becoming a man?", it would be difficult to pinpoint any given time in my life where I crossed over from boyhood to manhood, and childhood to adulthood. We can define manhood by someone's age. but I am not speaking in terms that are defines by time. What I am wanting to share and focus on are the intangibles and what goes on internally that produces what is external. So my point is, I did not necessarily reach manhood and adulthood the moment I turned eighteen years old or when I got married. The process of life is not always as clear-cut and defined as the expectations of society. But society's expectations and assumptions can be used for good as something that pushes and encourages our growth and who we become. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">In our world, we all generally want to meet life's expectations. We want to graduate from high school; then graduate from college around twenty two years-of-age; have a career; get married and maybe have kids. What is good about this is that it gives us a timeline of events that should take place, telling us where we should be in our personal lives. There is a reason why this timeline of events exists; it works and provides results for the greater good of society and human wellness. Although it may appear good for society, is this process that we go through-- from the perspective of a man-- beneficial to out general view of manhood? Because what about the men who have not been very successful in achieving life goals, or have the worldly desires of masculinity?</p><p style="text-align: justify;">One concern that has always been an issue for men is: what does it take to be a man and what is a man? Do you instantly become a man the moment you lose your virginity? Move out from your parent's home? Or when you get married? There are many questions, and loaded questions at that. But they are relative and valid questions that we have all faced at one time or another. I think that the most simple way to address these questions has to first be a matter of where you stand between God's image and view of man, and the world's view. When we are focused on the qualities of manhood in the eyes of society, I believe that we all come to discriminate against all men whether they are a "man" or not. Because not all men are equally intelligent, handsome, charming, or financially stable. To view and compare men with one another in the same light can be disabling. And what is even more detrimental is when men project the world's and society's expectations onto themselves. To say that to be a man, or more "manly", one has to be a certain height and have a certain amount of strength is not reality. Even if that were true, then do we transition out of manhood when we are too old to be able to care for ourselves?</p><p style="text-align: justify;">When we focus on how God views and created men, I think that there is a personal revelation of what it takes to be the man that we were created to be. We all have our own journeys to make and adventures to experience, and I don't think that God made us unique just for the sake of being different from one another, but to also express diversity. The paths that we take and experience will be different. Society is a cookie-cutter producer of men. God's view of man produces those who pay attention to the needs of the things that are in front of them, to steward and cultivate something that has very little to something greater. When we experience this kind of understanding, we come to comprehend the process of manhood and how deep it really is to be a man.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">For someone who has had a love-hate relationship with his earthly father, I struggled to understand what it means to be a man for the majority of my lifetime. I grew up having a strong dislike for my dad because of the manly qualities that were lacking in him from my own personal view. I was critical of him in every way of what a "man" was supposed to be. But the issues that I had with him were filtered through the lens of society and not the lens of God. I tried my best to separate myself outwardly from my dad as much as possible which caused me to ignore what was needed to internally take place in order to sustain the man I wanted to become. I was so concerned with the results and exterior side of manliness that I became ignorant of the substance that is needed in a man. It wasn't until I came to Christ that I came to truly understand one aspect of what it takes to be a man: responding to our life's purpose and leading with what we have.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">So to answer when were the moments that made me realize that I was becoming a man, the results are all that has taken place, such as when I moved out of my parents home and paid rent for the first time; buying my first car; and getting married, to serve as some examples. These results stem from the moments that I had decided to take responsibility in being able to care for my own life and ultimately caring for those that are around me. There has been good fruit in helping me realize how I have come as a man, but in life we are always learning and I do not think that we ever stop growing. Stepping out to learn and care for myself came with many struggles, but even in those struggles I probably leaned most of becoming a man by how I responded. We all have our own struggles on the daily, so how we respond to life is instrumental to who we become through those obstacles. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">To the brothers out there who struggle with and wonder whether they are man enough in this world, do not let any one or anything distract you from the fact that you are already a man. We are intrinsically already men-- know that. It is only a matter of how we respond to and lead our own lives in how we are gifted and blessed. When we hone in on what we have and what is in front of us, then we can make the most out of what has been gifted to us. Know what God has for you as a man and a child of His so that you can become who you were created to be.</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: justify;">You can reach out to Tou by following him on Facebook <a href="https://www.facebook.com/tou.mua" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">here</span></a>.</h3>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-32079609941608605362021-02-21T19:20:00.010-08:002021-02-22T08:52:46.963-08:00Fully Man | Shane Geer: A Story on Seeking<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U2fZ0PE6F9Y/YBuYWf_VKcI/AAAAAAAAzHM/6Zx4GML6Qq8DpLuiSYvJDHhc6QbLkteJACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/3D4A67D5-A5DF-4948-8D78-556928E1F9D4.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1365" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U2fZ0PE6F9Y/YBuYWf_VKcI/AAAAAAAAzHM/6Zx4GML6Qq8DpLuiSYvJDHhc6QbLkteJACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/3D4A67D5-A5DF-4948-8D78-556928E1F9D4.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><h4 style="text-align: justify;">Shane Geer is a fellow 2nd Year student at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BBSM). He is from Southern California, but considers Redding, California, home. I first met Shane while we were both students at Simpson University, where he graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Political Science in 2019. I currently work with Shane and am in the same Revival Group for 2nd Year and it has been a marvel to see how God has been radically impacting, growing, and transforming his life! To experience the covering Shane offers in safety, trust, and freedom is an honor to know and to see the ways he has gone after the face of Jesus has the power to break chains and renew minds. The following is Shane's take on <i>When was the moment you realized you were becoming a man?</i> </h4><div><br /></div></div><div><span style="text-align: justify;">Son,</span></div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Let me tell you a story. I was a wee lad tottering around getting into all sorts of messes. I would blunder around joyfully with not a care in the world despite the walls that were collapsing around me. These days of careless joy and unbridled imagination were quickly being suffocated by the turmoil I was surrounded by. The times that I would try and have fun and laugh were met with glaring eyes and pain staked faces. I quickly had to learn to grow up in order to no longer face the rejection from hurting people. People who knew nothing aside from survival, no matter the cost-- be it their heart or others being lost.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Growing up quickly wasn't that bad though, at least when I would compare it to the troubles others had. I had to learn not to smile in order to not get beat, while others had to figure out where they were going to eat. I had to learn that men don't cry, while others had to learn how to keep warm at night. I had to learn that families normally break up, while others had to learn dead family members don't wake up. You see son, I had a lot of blessings: food in my belly and a roof over my head to name a few, but, you see son, those things just won't do. I was starving for emotional connection and a place I could call home, because growing up I still felt empty and alone. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Home. Such an interesting phrase, not something determined by a space, but rather something shared by those who love the sight of your face. I had for so long searched for meaning and identity through performance and ambition that I didn't know what it was like to be loved for the person I was made to be. Thankfully the LORD finally made me see His shining face and the love He had for me. As I slowly fell in love with the Man hung on a tree, I kept retuning to the poison my past had for me. I thought the key to life's glee was simply self-rejection and misery. You see I had heard so often, "work hard now, so you can play hard later" or "dreams don't come for free" that I forgot to live the life that was right in front of me. Thankfully the grace and mercy of my creator is enough for me and still fought for me despite my failings or lack of intimacy. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Intimacy, into-me-you-see. The thing I lack because I don't want people to see into me. Being told I was too loud, too rambunctious, too obnoxious, too much. Too much, the opposite of not enough. Rather I must live a life that is tempered and tamed in order to be named, beloved. Beloved the name that the LORD has called me because Shane, is actually the same name as John just derived through the Irish rendition Sean. Beloved, a much loved person, whom God seemed to choose despite the imperfections. The imperfections that make up the perfection. The perfection declared by God because He spoke it into being. He spoke me into being. The being that is not too loud, rambunctious, obnoxious, or TOO MUCH. How can the infinite God be burdened by too much? He says that it is not enough to have a life that has been snuffed. He wants a life broken free from the chains of achieving and deceiving. Achievement marked by deception. Deception that one could find the fullness of perfection by striving. By working. By fighting.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Instead intimacy was bought for me by the Man who hung on a tree. In order to allow me to see the brokenness all throughout me. To surrender up the misery and striving. To find joy in the abiding. Joy and peace that allows me to be fully me. The fullness of identity found in the creation He made me to be. No tempered glee or barred off intimacy, but rather freedom to be loved and to love me. </div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: justify;">Son, do not forsake the depth you have, nor the experiences you have been handed. You are beautiful. Son do not allow others to define the characteristics the good LORD gave you. You are beautiful. Son do not allow yourself to throw away the pieces of your heart that seem to be unwanted. You are beautiful. Being a man is not about growing up, moving out, getting a job, or providing for a family. It is about recognizing the beauty the LORD has created in you and through you. It is about providing a burnt offering and receiving the fullness of His glory. It is about being a man who's willing to hang on a tree to bring intimacy to those who have still not seen.</div><div style="text-align: justify;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">Yours Truly,</div><div style="text-align: center;">The Beloved</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><h4 style="text-align: justify;">You can follow Shane on Instagram <a href="https://www.instagram.com/shanecgeer/" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">here</span></a>. </h4>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-60430565076920741892021-02-19T21:41:00.006-08:002021-02-19T21:56:56.633-08:00Fully Man | Derek Drake: Man Enough<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1v2B9exXm_s/YAZmk0hSeII/AAAAAAAAytA/FNHPrZl3bmMWE4d83j1qORzQ87VcUrhOACLcBGAsYHQ/s640/1FC51850-219A-4042-98AD-06C161B6F73C.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="640" data-original-width="480" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1v2B9exXm_s/YAZmk0hSeII/AAAAAAAAytA/FNHPrZl3bmMWE4d83j1qORzQ87VcUrhOACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/1FC51850-219A-4042-98AD-06C161B6F73C.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><h4 style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Above: Derek, his wife, and their two little chickadees! I am so excited to introduce to you Derek Drake, who I have known to be a very talented, inspiring, and authentic friend and co-worker. It is a marvel to know him and the ways in which he makes space for people to be completely who God created them to be. Derek is originally from Arizona, but moved to Redding, California, in 2019. He graduated with his Bachelor of Arts Degree in Christian Studies, and is currently pursuing his Master's degree in Psychology. I am so grateful that I get to share Derek's story as he answers the question <i>when was the moment you realized you were becoming a man.</i></h4><p style="text-align: justify;">I am excited to share a little bit about a process that will impact and change your life as you continue on in this journey called manhood. Being a father of two kids, I want to share a little bit of my personal journey and speak into your life. There is a need for fathers to truly speak real and true identity into their sons and daughters. As a father, I hope to share something that will resonate as truth to you.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">So, manhood. I actually have hated this word for a long time because to me this word meant rejection, inadequacy, inferiority, and weakness. Those were the lenses in which I saw myself when it came to talking about manhood. By nature, I am a very creative and sensitive man and these character traits go against what the world says is "manly." <b>So the first point, real manhood actually looks like embracing all the unique things about your personality, appearance, and character.</b> The world and even other people will try to say you must look strong, deny emotions, work with your hands, play sports, remain hard-hearted, and dominate in social environments. This could not be further from the truth. There is a world that needs the real you to show up. There are sons and daughters actually looking for men who will make space for others to show up authentically and it starts with you. This truth has taken me several years to embrace, but having really great friends in my life who see and know me have helped me understand this, in addition to, the relationship I have cultivated with the best Father in the entire world: God. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">It does not matter whether you identify with being some rough, rugged, outdoorsy man, or a tender-hearted creative. What matters MOST is that you show up as you in every environment. For example, for me, it meant that I had to embrace the fact that I am not a sports guy, so I did not try to make myself become that, but I embraced the parts of me that allowed me to come alive. <b>Secondly, real manhood looks like processing through trauma and pain to find healing and become a whole man in Christ. </b>You are not exempt from experiencing pain and going through hard things. The reality is, you have probably already experienced some pain and trauma. The world and others will tell you to white-knuckle it, keep going, or ignore it, but this will actually cause an infection that will also infect many of the people around you, even those you really love. It does not matter what you have experienced or gone through, it does not change the fact that you are still beautifully and wonderfully made. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I was sexually abused as a child and also grew up around physical and emotional abuse between my parents. This pain and trauma had spent years telling how unfit for manhood and life I was. Shame was my best friend. I kept all the pain inside and pretended it was not there, but watched it rot inside of me in plain sight. This pain and trauma caused so much anger, confusion, self-hatred, and a lack for zeal for life in general. The most manly thing I ever did was go though counseling, share my story, and let people love me through this pain. You can do it too! You are not a victim to your past, struggles, or trauma. You will be able to overcome it because there is a King, Friend, Son, Savior, and Love who overcame everything just to be with you. </p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>Lastly, real manhood looks like loving people well and letting others love you.</b> Typically amongst men, love seems to be a mystery and some facet of life that is confused with merely sexual encounters and multiple relationships. Ultimately, this type of living will continue to leave you empty. This is not God's design for your life for cultivating relationships, no matter how many people encourage or affirm your sexual experiences. You will one day find a spouse whom you will treasure far beyond their physical beauty and this aspect of intimacy will continue on in your marriage until death. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Real friendship in your life will be marked by the way in which you are known by others and seek to know them. The conversations you have with your community of friends will need to extend beyond the surface level of sports talk, the weather, or all of your personal accomplishments (although those are important and should be celebrated). Real manhood will invite you to be courageous, vulnerable, and transparent in your conversations with others. This will mean that the walls and barriers will have to come down. This means that your heart will be on display. Scary? I know right! But, you will find that being known and knowing others is one of the most liberating feelings you will experience. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Now, I know that this sounds like a lot. This may even sound impossible or extremely foreign to you, but let me encourage you. One of my greatest joys of being a father has always been watching my kids learn something new. I think about them taking their first step, learning to feed themselves, learning to use the potty, saying their first word, or simply tying their shoes. They did not automatically know how to do these things, they had to try everyday and they relied heavily on my love and support to guide them. They did not give up because they saw how confident and affirming I was of them throughout the process. They DID get frustrated and cry or get angry in the process, which even then, I acknowledged. But, when they finally got the hang of it, the excitement and confidence it gave them was a feeling that outweighed how difficult it was in the beginning. It meant they were growing and, as a father, I was so proud to see and be with them throughout the process. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Our Father feels this exact way about us x10000000000000000. He is calling us to be the men that He created us to be everyday. He sticks around for the process and celebrates every little and big victory. Take heart, God's got this and you are man enough! </p><div style="text-align: justify;"><div style="text-align: center;">Love you!</div><div style="text-align: center;">Derek</div></div><h4 style="text-align: justify;">Derek currently does not have any social media, but you can find him on <span style="color: black;"><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/in/derek-drake-4290a98b/" target="_blank">LinkedIn</a>.</span> He also is a vocal coach of his very own business called DrakeVoice, which you can check out<span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/posts/derek-drake-4290a98b_you-can-always-get-one-on-one-vocal-coaching-activity-6757150344456884224-191t" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">here</span></a>.</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="text-align: justify;">Derek also self-published a devotional for sale on Amazon called</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><i style="text-align: justify;">Rooted: Growing in God's Word Through Hardship</i><span style="text-align: justify;">, which you can buy</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="color: black; text-align: justify;"><a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B08R97T566/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glc_fH99FbGX10XN3" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">here</span></a>.</span><span style="text-align: justify;"> </span>If you'd like to send Derek an encouraging word, please comment on this post or send him a private message on his LinkedIn account.</h4>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-50381000818661589842021-02-15T13:16:00.004-08:002021-02-16T18:53:31.474-08:00My Favorite part of being 25<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FyRfB9PA8WE/YCrj8HkMSNI/AAAAAAAAzKc/uuHn0w_3rLUHoLb2VxkvrdRER6piqz0HgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/2F21371D-C1CA-4CA8-8AE4-E6CBCFDCB946.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1536" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-FyRfB9PA8WE/YCrj8HkMSNI/AAAAAAAAzKc/uuHn0w_3rLUHoLb2VxkvrdRER6piqz0HgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/2F21371D-C1CA-4CA8-8AE4-E6CBCFDCB946.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">A year ago during my 25th birthday party, one of my friends asked me if I had a favorite moment during my 24th year of life. After a few minutes of going through that past year, I was able to remember that I had one moment in particular that happened during 1st Year of BSSM. Eric Johnson, one of the lead pastors at Bethel, had come to speak to the 1st Year class in the Civic Auditorium in Redding, California, and he shared how 2018 had been the worst year of his life. Throughout his sermon, I could feel and understand the turmoil and introspection he went through. It was pain and his journey healing from it. I remember earlier that exact day thinking</span><i style="text-align: left;"> our minds are powerful. We give ourselves so much power. </i><span style="text-align: left;">This thought describes 2018, for me. </span></div><p style="text-align: justify;">After Eric had finished speaking, he did an alter call for repentance and stepping into learning how to let go and, because it was 1st Year, everyone went up-- including me. SO many people had gotten up that there wasn't enough room to go any further than standing in the aisles. I knew that I couldn't stay long because I had an Advanced Ministry Track (AMT), which was the last class session of the trimester and I really did not want to miss it, but my heart was <i>heavy</i>. Since there was so much of us that had stood up, Eric told us to sit where we were standing and he led us into an encounter to do one thing: to <i>let go</i>. I processed 2018 with the Holy Spirit and he revealed things that I had pushed aside and covered up. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">While sitting there on the floor letting Jesus do what He was doing inside of me. (SIDE NOTE: As I'm sitting her writing this, I feel the weightiness of His glory and the intentionality of His heart.) After a good amount of time, some people were being ministered to, others were leaving because the session had gone past the class time. I didn't know what time it was, so I decided to make my way to class. I arrived to the classroom, which was in the same building and I found a free seat and waited for class to start, but I couldn't stop thinking about what God was doing inside my heart. After a few minutes, one of my friends from my RG came in. I heard my name and I looked up and the moment my friend saw my face, he walked straight to me and hugged me. I started crying and he asked me what was wrong and I said, "This is the last session and I don't want to miss out. but what Eric was talking about today really hit me hard." To which he responded, "If God wants to be with you right now, I don't think you're missing out." I nodded realizing that I <i>had</i> to leave class in order to press into what God wanted me to face. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">So I took my friends advice and decided to leave. I walked out of the Civic and noticed that there were still people in the main auditorium. I made my way to my car, and sat there. I cried and cried and I realized that I had to forgive myself. I had to go through moments with the Holy Spirit that He wanted me to acknowledge in order to submit my heart, mind, and soul to, but it was <i>painful</i>. To admit that I had control over myself and allowed <i>MYSELF</i> to think and live a certain way wasn't easy. I had convinced myself of the thoughts and lies that I had assumed was right about who I was. I HATED, H-A-T-E-D, HATED myself. I wanted to throw everything I was out the window. I was scared, disappointment, hurt, and broken. And that's when His love came in-- or the realization that He was there the <b>entire time.</b> I sat in my car letting Christ redeem and fill all of me that needed to be repaired. That day was one of the most hardest moment of my life. To have compassion and grace for myself...</p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>That was my favorite moment being 24-- I forgave myself. </b>I decided to let Jesus define who I am and repent for thinking otherwise. He calls me daughter and beloved. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Now being 26(!!!) on February 4th, I ask myself what was my favorite moment being 25?</p><p style="text-align: justify;">It took me awhile because 2020 seemed to be a liftetime, but my favorite moment being 25 were the moments I spent with Jesus. Very often I would think and dream of going to a secluded cabin in the mountains or along the coast just to be alone with Him. His presence is and always will be my favorite parts. Please know the importance of spending time communing with Him in our day-to-day tasks is important-- in the mundane, such as making dinner, brushing my teeth, driving, cooking-- making room and spending time with Him is where I long to be, but setting those specific moments dedicated to looking at His face and praising Him is so <b>necessary</b>!! TO KNOW HIM!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">A few days come to mind. I think of the day I decided to redo 2nd Year, how I picked up my passion for reading again, learning what it means to be <i>human</i>, or going after things that make me come alive. But one day in particular was the first day that 2nd Year BSSM got to worship together under the tents for the first time in 2021. Last year, when most of everything was closed, I started to <i>miss</i> corporate worship. I felt that each voice in the room was a single drop of water that when put together, it becomes a waterfall-- roaring and shaking the air. That is what happened when we came together (with masks and maintaining 6-feet-apart, of course). Hearing and being in the room with others who are hungry for the Lord made me think <i>This is what we're made for</i>. We are made for community and communion with our King Jesus. He is holy and worthy. There is a fire in my heart for more of our King and He is faithful to answer the cry of our hearts! </p><p style="text-align: justify;">A lot has happened this past year and, with every year I grow older, my greatest wish is that I grow tethered and deeply more in love with my love, best friend, and Heavenly Father. I hope it's filled with more connection with other sons and daughters, new experiences, a living and fresh breath of God, and deeper revelation of a renewed mind, love, peace, and power! There is still so much more that I'm learning and I am so excited for what this additional year on my life will hold. Often times, when I let the reality of being 26 sink into my mind and heart, all that stirs is hope and excitement, which is kinda scary, but I just hope that I take and step into those risks! In other words, pray for me! Here's to 26 and thank you for reading!</p><p style="text-align: center;">With All That I Am,</p><p style="text-align: center;">-MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-67044567464952007202021-02-12T18:54:00.008-08:002021-07-07T11:04:50.334-07:00Fully Man | Anonymous: Truth Through the Ragged Machismo<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4rkgvXtFjfk/YCYwcYUawDI/AAAAAAAAzIk/UxNXtJfizsYOO8_22vOZmS2X_J5nFriCgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/IMG_1762.HEIC" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1541" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-4rkgvXtFjfk/YCYwcYUawDI/AAAAAAAAzIk/UxNXtJfizsYOO8_22vOZmS2X_J5nFriCgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/IMG_1762.HEIC" /></a></div><h3 style="text-align: left;"><br /></h3><h3 style="text-align: justify;">I am so excited to share the 2nd essay to the Fully Man Series. This man is a dear friend, who has ask to remain anonymous, but I will say that he has impacted my life and continues to inspire me to dream and dream bigger. He understands the journey of creativity and the value of simplicity, realness, as well as moving forward no matter what life throws. I am grateful to see the ways he fights for people and the reality of Jesus. I am so honored to introduce to you his essay answering the question, <i>When was the moment you realized you were becoming a man?</i></h3> <div>Dear Nephew,<p></p><p style="text-align: justify;">It's about time we talk about healthy manhood. Of course, I don't have it all figured out. I know with each new chapter in life, I will be evolving and reestablishing my core ideals to my daily life. Yet one thing is to be certain; I will continue to be a man for Christ. Bear in mind with everything I'll say, volumes have been unpacked about these subjects. But I wrote this letter to begin a dialogue that I hope will continue throughout the years. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Our immediate family has influenced us both. We've also been influenced by television and social media. Yet, society nor our family's presentation and expectations have always been the healthiest about manhood. In this letter, I'll be sharing about emotions, machismo, and my growth through my position as a Social Worker.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">You will experience sorrows in life, as we all do, and you, too, will make poor choices and struggle with guilt, shame, and insecurities. To have breakthrough, you will have to confront the darkest parts of yourself, the parts that feel unlovable. You'll have to become brave and choose to love yourself and forgive yourself. To allow people near your heart, to esteem you and give council. And it's ok if sorrowful feelings continue to resurface throughout your life. That won't make you less of man. It's natural that your body and mind recall past pains. You have permission to go through your process and to confide in others. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">We both have heard countless times the expressions of; "stop being a bitch." "you gay as fuck," and "man up." Don't belittle your emotions or allow others to, because they are ok and normal to have. I stress this because I was so used to desensitizing myself. Emotions are your body's indicators of how you feel about something. For emotions are also tied to our underlying belief system. Obviously, we get upset or happy because of how something vibes with us. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">As well, remember the difference between guilt and shame. Knowing the distinction between the two will increase your emotional intelligence. Guilt is feeling comprised for what we did. Shame is feeling comprised for what we have become. Shame stings more, having that inward focus emphasizing what is wrong with ourselves. If you ever get stuck with lingering negative feelings, I charge you with the reality that you are loved. I hope you will remember that your chapters in life eventually end and start anew. Soon enough, you will have a new chapter of life. If you choose to learn from your past, then it doesn't have to define you or dictate your future. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">In our Hispanic culture, you have experienced the unachievable and straining "machismo," which is aggressive masculine pride. From my experience, I believe machismo is an overcompensation towards the anxiety and strife in life. It also doesn't help that we both grew up in a community hurting from gangs. As a child, attempting to understand what manhood is and how I will be leading myself, I naturally took to the Mexican gang mentality.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Our Hispanic community tells us that males are headstrong and that we are to safeguard public opinion: that no one disrespects us. As we both saw, that can get out of hand pretty quick. Machismo is a one dimensional way of thinking. The machismo mentality solely focuses on not looking weak. I was trying to contain myself into a one-dimensional persona that strived to look strong.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Yeah, you could unwind after gaining a reputation and some hood stripes. But, I'm better off and stronger as a multi-dimensional person (educated, culturally aware, traveler, etc.) Thankfully, I was able to mature from this distorted way of thinking by asking the fundamental questions of my identity and purpose. Believe me, after being on probation twice, house arrest for three months, along with all the court mandated classes and community service, that headstrong mentality was not the way to go about things.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Looking back, I observe that I filled into the maturity of manhood when I began working as a Social Worker for Adult Social Services in my local county. In this position, I walked to the darkest parts of society, and I was tasked to be a light, to be an uplifting hand. I met with people who were financially exploited, physically abused, mentally impaired, and so on. In that realm of work, I had to be an advocate. There was a saying, God makes all things work together for good. It's interesting how God made us of my old headstrong mentally, evolving it with to serve in this field. But I grappled to keep it in check. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I almost got into fights with suspects several times, in which I had to do a de-escalation class. This position was pivotal because I had to work on my emotional health again because of stress. Not only that, I went through compassion fatigue from countless cases. I even dealt with getting emotionally jaded by becoming aware of the awful abuses that happened in my county. With everything I took part in, I love when justice is served.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">You will have to forge yourself to be resilient so that you can enjoy the beauties in life. There is hope and masculinity outside of the narrow-minded view we were raised in. Machismo is not the answer to our identity; Jesus is. I leave you with a final resolve, to not fear suffering, but to find the wisdom you can gain from it. Every trial will mold you, so it's best to try to control your development during the shaping. I have become someone who contends, to be honest with myself and to communicate well with others. I'll continue to pursue wholesomeness. My goal is to live out integrity. My beloved nephew, consider regular reflection and self-discipline. For doing so, your emotions will make you a wiser and stronger man, leading you to make better choices. </p><div style="text-align: center;">Much Love,</div><div style="text-align: center;">Your Uncle</div><p><br /></p></div>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com1Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-65741230610385320262021-02-05T12:23:00.019-08:002021-07-01T16:55:09.627-07:00Fully Man | Seth Moerkerke: To Be a Son<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k-C1CQdL1Z0/YBD6L0PTNCI/AAAAAAAAy7E/guYayvCc0_wrLh3511MgPOcgrNkVqaF9QCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/10A650A2-1F82-4644-89D3-51BCB49AE8C2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1638" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-k-C1CQdL1Z0/YBD6L0PTNCI/AAAAAAAAy7E/guYayvCc0_wrLh3511MgPOcgrNkVqaF9QCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/10A650A2-1F82-4644-89D3-51BCB49AE8C2.jpg" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><h4 style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Seth is currently a 1st Year student at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry (BSSM). Seth was born and raised in Montana, but calls North Dakota home, where he graduated with a Bachelor's Degree in Communication with a minor in Leadership at Dickinson State University. I met Seth in City Service: Neighborhood Impact, which is a ministry program run by BSSM. I am so grateful to have met him and I am so excited for the ways God has and is using his life. Seth carries a mantel of peace and creativity and knows the depths of God's love for His children and the urgency as Heaven awaits for Sons and Daughters to know who they are! The Following is Seth's own words answering the question, "<i>When did you realize you were becoming a man?"</i></h4><p style="clear: both; text-align: justify;">Dear Seth,</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I'm writing from the future because I want to help you answer a question that you will think about many times over in the next few years of your life. Due to the environments you will be in, and your own personal wrestling, you might feel lost in this process. And that's okay. This feels strange to be writing to you at such a young age, but I think you need to hear what I'm about to tell you. Though it might not seem like that big of a deal to you at 13, it's going to affect you, and I need you to have the peace and the strength to endure the journey ahead. </p><p style="text-align: center;">The question I'm going to help you answer is: "What does it mean to be a man?"</p><p style="text-align: justify;">I know you have a lot of ideas or images that pop in to your head when I ask you that question, and we'll work through those, but for now I just want to offer you the confidence that it's not as dangerous to become a man as you might think. Though the world around you might try to attack who you are, let me make it clear: becoming a man <i>is</i> who you are. Despite the magnitude of what you are feeling, this great adventure into your identity is not supposed to be as scary to step into as you feel. Though it's a dangerous road to walk, you were built for this dangerous road. Rest assured, you will become who God is leading you to be, you don't have to question that. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Right now, in your head, being a man looks like a lot of different things: Mostly strong athletes known for their success in their chosen field, which is totally okay, and the men around you including your dad, your friends' dads and the teachers and coaches who've directed your steps thus far. Although these men share common characteristics (some good and some bad), none of them really look or act exactly the same, and I want you to remember that. <i>It's okay to feel different at times</i>. This phrase has been so water-down in your lifetime that you might just roll your eyes at another person making this statement, but I want you to actually believe it. Let the reality of those words wash over you: <i>It's okay to feel different from the world around you</i>. To be different is oftentimes scary. To be different means you will stand out. To be different means that you are an easy target. But it also means you are unlike any other person on earth-- <i>a true wonder of the world! </i>To be different means that God created you with specific dreams in His heart for you to fulfill. To be different means you can be confident in yourself. <b>In fact, that's one of the marks of stepping into manhood: living in the satisfaction and security that you have been created uniquely and wonderfully by the Creator of the world, and that He has designed a specific purpose for you. </b>At times you won't always believe this, and sometimes you won't even realize the authority that you carry in your day-to-day life, but to be secure in your identity as God's Son, and aware of your influence, is the call of you life. It's the only way things will function properly. It's the only way you will be who you <i>truly</i> are.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Also keep in mind that the characteristics of manhood presented to you by the world around you are oftentimes not aligned with who you truly are, and that's okay too. It will be hard at times to resist becoming the prototype that you see, or the man that others <i>think</i> you should be, but that's all part of the long walk to and through manhood. The difference between the men you admire and the men you should resist becoming is one thing: love. Self-love, at that. What you see produced in the world around you is a selfish type of "love." It's not really love at all, but a self-seeking type of maneuvering through the world. Often times, these men are hurting from their own wounds and they don't know how to heal. Someday you'll help them heal. But before that can happen you have to learn to live aligned with love. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Most often times these poor characteristics will try to get you to question your whole identity. They will attack your sexuality, and try to get you to weaponize it, while at the same time shame you for questioning. This is not the Father's Way. He has spoken over your identity the word "Sonship." This means you don't have to have a certain sexual charisma or even sexual leaning in order to belong, for you already belong to the Father, and His words and thoughts are eternal. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Your sexuality, and how you carry it, is not your identity.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Because of the nature of sexuality, and the attacks upon your internal confidence, shame is going to be one of the greatest hinderances to your ability to believe in the Father's love. <b>I'm asking you, right now, to cut ties with the relationship you have with shame. Shame is a deceptive fellow. He always comes disguised in holiness and purity, but he's never been a friend, no matter how "comforting" or "protective" he's pretended to be over the years. He's an outright liar who works under the table, but hand-in-hand with the enemy, and he is trying to rot you from the inside.</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;"><b>This is the battle of your life: to actually believe that your Father loves you, through-and-through, in every situation, even the failures. </b>This is something I'm learning right now, Seth, so don't feel bad if you struggle believing it for awhile! But promise me you will wake up everyday and clothe yourself in the Father's love and grace, trusting that there can never be a separation between Him and you. You are His beloved. Now be brave and believe it. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">These characteristics you look around and see in the world are also going to try to get you to question your power. They will make you feel like you are lacking because you don't have a certain look or proximity to the world's power. The world's characteristics will also whisper lies into your true power (the authority of God) to try to get you to dishonor and manipulate the world and the people around you for your own gain. This is not the Father's Way. He has spoken over your identity the word "Sonship" and this means it is <i>already</i> embedded into your nature to use your authority (power) to triumphantly war against evil and to also protect the world around you. It is in the core of who you are to protect and defend, don't ever let anyone make you feel ashamed for that. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Your authority, and how you choose to wield it, is not your identity.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">No matter how "big" they feel, sexuality and power are only <i>parts</i> of who you are-- they are not <i>who</i> you are. Both of them are influenced and shaped by your true identity. Neither of them can operate apart from your identity. Both of them are only functioning properly when they sit underneath and exist out of who you really are: a Son. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">I have to tell you the truth. It can be hard to stand up for things that you know are right, especially when you know the opposite is what provides the more comforting life. But you were not made for an easy life. You are a Son of the Most High God, and that is your everlasting identity. It's what He is always speaking and claiming over you. No one and no thing can take His words away, so it's your job to believe Him. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Sonship looks different than the world's standards and prototypes of manhood. Sonship models its life after Jesus, the Anointed One, and relies solely on His Spirit, that is the Holy Spirit, for sustenance. Because of this daily devotion to the true King, a life bent towards Sonship will inevitable start to look like His life. <b>Kindness, self-control, joy, peace, gentleness, love, patience, goodness, and confidently surrendered power are the fruits produced in the life of a Son. </b> These are the fruit that are being produced from your life. Don't worry if they don't always look like much. They are creating Life in the world, and Life cannot be falsely mimicked. It <i>has</i> to start as a seed, and it <i>has</i> to grow through the hard seasons of life. But in the end, Life is the <i>only thing</i> worth protecting.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">To be honest, Seth, Sonship is a relatively new concept for us, as of this writing. Well, relatively new to 26 years of living, but new, nonetheless. <b>But that doesn't stop the call for you right now! This is where your whole world needs to revolve around.</b> I say "where" because living as a Son means living <i>from </i>a place in our heart and living as a Son affects every area of our life. Our heart is a protected city that we reside with our Father, placed within the depth of our being, and from this safe-city we move through the great adventure of life. This safe-city is the central focus of all the enemy's attacks upon your life. He's bent upon stealing your identity, and in the process destroying your soul and murdering your heart. Our enemy does not play fair, and he knows the authority that Sons have, so he will do everything he can do to infect you, disempower you, and shame you. But remember! What he says is never true, and to believe him is to invest your life into a lie rather than enfolding your life into your Father's loving hands. You must protect your identity at all cost! This is the highest charge I can give you, and the most noble thing you can do. It will impact your relationship with God, your relationship with people, your sense of purpose, the way you give and receive love, your ability to walk through failure securely, and your hope for each new day, despite the present circumstances. Never lose your identity.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">You are a Son of God.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">To be a Son is to stand in direct opposition of the demonic, the divisive, and the wicked masquerades brought on by the enemy and his friends.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">To be a Son is to be a man. <b>More importantly, to be a man is to be a Son.</b></p><p style="text-align: justify;">To be a Son is who you are.</p><p style="text-align: justify;">Let that wash over you, forever.</p><div style="text-align: justify;">With all my love,</div><div style="text-align: justify;">Seth Robert</div><p style="text-align: justify;">P.S. Always remember; Sons Don't Struggle. This most certainly doesn't mean there will not be struggles and hardships along the journey, but true Sons know they have an Everlasting Father who is in charge of the world <i>and</i> in charge of their life. <b>Sons rest securely in each new day, trusting that their Father knows what He is doing, and that they can come to Him with <i>anything</i> at <i>any time</i>. </b>They don't run away or hide, because Kings don't run, and Kings are who we are. But we'll talk more about that soon.</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">You can follow Seth on instagram at <a href="https://www.instagram.com/sethmoerkerke/" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">@sethmoerkerke</span></a> as well as <a href="https://www.instagram.com/artbysethrobby/" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">@artsbyseth</span></a>, where he shares creative pieces such as artwork and poetry. He also has his own blog called The Serpent and the Dove, which you can check out <span><a href="https://theserpentdove.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">here</span></a>.</span> Seth mentioned that he is doing a social media fast, but he sends his reassurance that he will respond to any messages soon!</h4>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.3916754-38.491795479348788 96.9833246 90 18.233324600000003tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-59136708906970319922021-01-18T22:17:00.006-08:002021-08-07T21:44:45.439-07:00Vision for Fully Man Series<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mEigY37P90E/YAZ5YZTWrwI/AAAAAAAAywg/qpEPgl2SwXQuY_E1Vd1DV8UjHtSVj1SXACLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/22CB3938-E344-4F30-86CE-808DB040CF20.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1402" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-mEigY37P90E/YAZ5YZTWrwI/AAAAAAAAywg/qpEPgl2SwXQuY_E1Vd1DV8UjHtSVj1SXACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/22CB3938-E344-4F30-86CE-808DB040CF20.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><p>Hello!</p><p>A year ago in March, I did a four-part series asking women in my life to share and answer the question: <i>When was the moment you realized you were becoming a woman?</i> This project was fun, insightful, and inspiring and I am grateful of the women who said <i>yes </i>to sharing their stories. My soul has been stirred, impacted, and inspired by how God has touched and changed their lives! This project has impacted me so much that I began to consider how interesting it would be to feature more stories from voices other than my own, which ultimately led to the idea of launching the <b>Fully Man Series</b>, in which men in my life would answer the question, <i>When was the moment you realized that you were becoming a man?</i> </p><p>I am incredibly grateful for the vulnerability, ease, safety, and counsel that relationships with men have been for me. My dad and brother are significant male influences in my life because of their willingness to love, encourage, and respect who I am and were able to offer their strengths in my weaknesses. They taught me how to be strong, tough, and knowledgeable in things like softball/baseball, changing a tire, fixing furniture, and parallel parking (trust me, if you've seen <i>Tuxedo</i>, starring Jacki Chan, that's how good I drive *pops collar*).</p><p>I understand that this narrative isn't the same for many women. I have close girl friends that have confided and shared their experiences with me about men who have manipulated, objectified, and/or abandoned them, but I still hope and contend that these women experience and know healthy, safe, and trustworthy relationships <i>with</i> men. My hope with the Fully Man Series is to build-up and shed light on stories that express their individual journey of what it is like becoming a man. Believe me, this will be as much of a learning process for me, which is why I was incredibly interested in learning, listening, and partnering with my fathers and brothers in Christ as a woman. For my ladies reading this, I hope you keep an open mind and heart in learning and understanding snippets of what manhood may look like. And if you are a guy reading this, I hope this helps and allows you to pull on men in your life to talk about any of the topics discussed in these essays. </p><p>Theses essays are by no means the epitome of what manhood should be, but a discourse in which like life, is a process. The world is changing, growing, and searching for something bigger than ourselves. I am incredibly grateful of the way God has brought these men in my life and I am excited to feature their voices. These men are trees that have set deep roots into the land that God has given them to expand His kingdom and I have the honor and freedom to enjoy the protection of their shade. I hope that the men and women, who read these posts understand that <i>we </i>are in this together. Thank you for taking the time to be a part of the process and get a glimpse of the voices that I care so much about!</p><p style="text-align: center;">With Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">Jacky</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-44112000592402780982021-01-14T23:30:00.007-08:002021-01-16T23:51:27.213-08:00Time, Choices, and the Yes We Give<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sWLftdfqBPU/YAFDXomj-4I/AAAAAAAAyp4/QU-gygnvz5o6oV8LgZfqgmvIkFOIwFDbQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/Da%2BCREW.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1494" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sWLftdfqBPU/YAFDXomj-4I/AAAAAAAAyp4/QU-gygnvz5o6oV8LgZfqgmvIkFOIwFDbQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Da%2BCREW.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><h4 style="clear: both; text-align: center;">My beautiful 2nd Year Revival Group Class of 2020.</h4><p>These past few weeks, I've thought about the time when my younger sister graduated from boot camp in South Carolina in 2014. My family and I flew out to see her graduate and spent one week there. After leaving the military base, I found out that we were only two hours away from the Georgia border and I told my parents and suggested that we go to Georgia just to say that we've been there. They thought it was a fun idea, too, so the next day, we made the two hour drive to the Georgia border. After crossing the state line, we stopped at a mall and I remember sitting on a bench as I watched families, couples-- people-- walking by and I thought <i>We're technically not supposed to be here</i>. I felt like a fly on the wall because there was nothing significantly tethering my family and I being there at the mall in Georgia on that specific day. The only thing that brought us there was a <i>yes</i>. A yes to driving two hours, a <i>yes </i>to a thought and I felt that all it took to take that <i>yes</i> further was standing up and introducing myself to any one of those people-- just one.</p><p>While in BSSM, I have grown to understand the power of a <i>yes </i>and how much impact, influence, and change it can have on my life, on those around me, and future generations. My Revival Group pastor in 1st Year, Jeremy Gonzalez, said that what we carry everyone needs and what others carry we need. This statement changed the way I see myself and others. We are all a part of the equation. There were countless times when I wanted to hide and run away because of self-hatred and shame, but God said He wanted me. Dear reader, I hope you know how valued and loved you are. There is a man named Jesus who thought of you and called you worthy by giving His life so that you could live-- to live in freedom, joy, and peace. You carry something that no one in the world has and He has the power to reveal and share that through you! And all it takes is a <i style="font-weight: bold;">yes</i> to invite Him into your life. At this moment if you feel anything on your body, mind, or spirit--please-- reach out to me! </p><p>Now in 2nd Year, one of the pastors at Bethel Church said, "when God said <i><a href="https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis%201%3A3&version=NIV" target="_blank"><span style="color: #e69138;">Let there be light</span></a></i>, He had you in mind." For all the people that I've gotten to meet, know, and run with, it is an honor to behold and marvel at <b>who He had in mind</b>. I wasn't the only person that said <i>Yes</i> to moving here to Redding, California, for college. I wasn't the only person that said <i>yes </i>to going to BSSM. It blows my mind that a (not so) little town like Redding would bring so many people together. </p><p>I wish I could share in-person, how valuable it is to be free and vulnerable with a group of Christ-followers. Not only does the <i>yes </i>we give has a significant impact on our lives, but the timing of our <i>yes</i> plays an important factor. The people in my RG could have said YES to starting BSSM next year or the year after that-- or earlier, which would have a significant contribution to how and when I'd meet them or <i>if</i> I'd meet them, but they were first prompted by a cry in their hearts by the <i>Yes</i> when God said it was time. Getting to know, learn, and listen to the people God has placed together is a plan that only He could have thought of. As I write this blogpost, I think about my friends and family, as well as myself because I, too, have power over the choices I make. The actions, investments, and decisions I decide to pursue impact my future. This may seem elementary, but I feel God highlighting an urgency of the power that lives inside us. As crazy, confusing, and/or disappointing this time may be and as hard days can get, all He needs is our <i>yes</i>. Our <i>yes</i> to show up, to keep showing up, and showing up even after we're tired of showing up, but know that He understands and knows what that feels like, too. Be reminded that you are <i>human</i> and that doesn't surprise Him. As I'm writing this, I feel the Holy Spirit so close and if no one has said thank you for your <i>yes</i>, I want to say thank you for choosing to say <i>yes</i> even when it hurts. </p><p style="text-align: center;">With All That I Am,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p><p> </p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-20226273205202509032020-12-27T23:17:00.002-08:002020-12-27T23:17:57.450-08:00Thank You.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0cFg5zENQS8/X-mGPf2fkaI/AAAAAAAAybM/taJy7mUQg5Apqkh6ZrdtwilmZPGt5PKQwCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/If%2Byou%2Bever%2Bread%2Bthis....jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1773" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0cFg5zENQS8/X-mGPf2fkaI/AAAAAAAAybM/taJy7mUQg5Apqkh6ZrdtwilmZPGt5PKQwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/If%2Byou%2Bever%2Bread%2Bthis....jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div><br /></div>For all that it was <div>Thank you</div><div><br /></div><div>Unraveling your character</div><div>fun and new</div><div><br /></div><div>Christmas lights</div><div>magical and</div><div>free</div><div><br /></div><div>hours held</div><div>hearts exposed</div><div>out in the cold</div><div><br /></div><div>music and magic</div><div>easy and warm</div><div><br /></div><div>For all that it was</div><div>thank you.</div>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-90024253352485632062020-12-20T23:00:00.004-08:002020-12-20T23:00:48.118-08:00Dear 30-Year-Old-Me<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1sgzcLZQlhs/X-A5TFEkK_I/AAAAAAAAyO4/4UPkfq80Jggn9rlFvqoC0WPz4ePuIhvOQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/F2A0D146-4026-4696-9612-98C9E95088C2.jpg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1361" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1sgzcLZQlhs/X-A5TFEkK_I/AAAAAAAAyO4/4UPkfq80Jggn9rlFvqoC0WPz4ePuIhvOQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/F2A0D146-4026-4696-9612-98C9E95088C2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><h4 style="text-align: left;"><br /></h4><p style="text-align: left;">Hello!</p><p style="text-align: left;">I've decided to record my voice reading this letter as a special gift to the 30-year-old-me. This was the first recording and I tried recording it again multiple times for the sake of sound and changing/editing the sentence structure of this post, but listening to this recording in specific made Jesus and I really happy. Since this was the first recording, you will hear me typing/messing up editing the text, but I think it adds more character and authenticity. Enjoy!</p><h4 style="text-align: left;">
<iframe allow="autoplay" frameborder="no" height="166" scrolling="no" src="https://w.soundcloud.com/player/?url=https%3A//api.soundcloud.com/tracks/951548725&color=%23bf9a85&auto_play=false&hide_related=false&show_comments=true&show_user=true&show_reposts=false&show_teaser=true" width="100%"></iframe><div style="color: #cccccc; font-family: Interstate, "Lucida Grande", "Lucida Sans Unicode", "Lucida Sans", Garuda, Verdana, Tahoma, sans-serif; font-size: 10px; font-weight: 100; line-break: anywhere; overflow: hidden; text-overflow: ellipsis; white-space: nowrap; word-break: normal;"><a href="https://soundcloud.com/jackylene-gutierrez" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="Jackylene Gutierrez">Jackylene Gutierrez</a> ยท <a href="https://soundcloud.com/jackylene-gutierrez/dear-30-year-old-me" style="color: #cccccc; text-decoration: none;" target="_blank" title="Dear 30-Year-Old-Me">Dear 30-Year-Old-Me</a></div></h4><p>Dear 30-Year-Old-Me,</p><p>It's a Thursday, well technically a Friday because it's 12:16AM on December 18, 2020, and I am sitting at the kitchen table with Mel and Bigane in Redding, California. It's finals week for Simpson and you just finished your online course at Shasta College called <i>Literature by and About Women</i>. I think it's important to set the scene because I'm not sure if you'll be in the same place or the same season by the time you're reading this and to some degree, I hope you're not. Don't worry, everything is really good! </p><p>I thought to write you a letter because I've been thinking about you lately and I felt like it would be a fun post. In a previous blogpost, I mentioned that I wanted to laugh at the thought of a 30-year-old-me because of the hopes and dreams I want to pursue and live out at that age and I'm wondering how you're responding as you read this. I'm sure you're laughing and/or going to cry at the thought of 25-year-old-me and the things I have yet to experience. I don't expect you to be at a certain point in your life and have accomplished all of these things-- I still value the process and how "life stages" are different for everyone. Nonetheless, I do hope that I have accomplished and/or are living out a few of these things by the time I'm 30. But to get a relative sense of what it's like right now because I'm thinking about 20-Year-Old-Me and I don't even remember the current realities of my life then, so in order to remember what is happening now, I've compiled a list of what is current in my life right now:</p><p></p><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>Incredibly, beautifully, captivated by the High Most King</li><li>You know you are loved and valued by your family and friends</li><li>25 years old</li><li>Single/ Praying and thinking of your future husband</li><li>2nd Year BSSM student</li><li>COVID-19 changed <i>everything</i></li><li>Dreaming about doing Third Year in England</li><li>Hoping to pursue a MA in Creative Writing (Boston University? Or MAYBE in England??)</li><li>Wishing my schedule permitted more time dedicated to running</li><li>My car is "broken" (Idle doesn't work/ 2005 KIA Sorento for the record)</li><li>Working at in Higher Education Institution</li></ol><div>And now for the things that I hope has happened in the last FIVE years:</div><div><ol style="text-align: left;"><li>What ways has Jesus pulled you in closer?</li><li>How is God moving in your family? In your friend's lives?</li><li>Did I get to live in England? </li><li>How was Third Year like?</li><li>Was the vaccine for COVID successful?</li><li>Accomplished a MA in Creative Writing?</li><li>Hopefully on your way to a PhD in English?</li><li>Published author? Or have at least finished writing a book(s)!</li><li>Engaged or Married (Hopefully married!!)</li><li>Active and passionate runner? Any marathons?</li><li>Did you get a Subaru? #DreamCar</li><li>Do you have little chickadees? *heart sinks and jumps at the same time*</li><li>Have you had your heart broken? What did it feel like?</li><li>What is Jesus saying about your life?</li></ol>It's interesting to see how the second half of my list for the future are questions. *Asks the Holy Spirit why that is* Despite all of the things I hope to have accomplished or pursued by the age of 30, what I hope remains to be one foundational key that I hope has grown, expanded, and remained constant and that is your relationship with Jesus. I hope you've loved and shared Him everywhere you went and I'm sure you did because that's what you do. I hope you remained close to the King and kept your eyes on His face. I hope you've experienced and read the Holy Bible more intimately. </div><div><br /></div><div>As of today, being the 25-year-old that you are now writing this, I want to say that I love you. I am proud of you. Thank you for saying <i>Yes</i> to the King. Thank you for wanting Him and only Him to the point that your heart aches for a touch from Him. Thank you for being yielded to His presence. Thank you for looking at pain, hardships, and disappointment in the face because you <i>know</i> who you are and who you <b>belong</b> to. Thank you for learning and believing that you carry power and authority at whatever life throws at you. Thank you for taking the joys and celebrations in your life and sharing them with people that you love. </div><div><br /></div><div>Regardless of all the things you've done or wished had done differently, I am incredibly grateful of the way you've laid down your life. Jesus is with you and <i>how</i> I'm sure you know that He's with you (Jeremiah 29:11). </div><div><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">With Every Fiber of my Heart,</div><div style="text-align: center;">MJ/ Jacky</div><p></p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-77987423504077105032020-12-11T18:00:00.000-08:002020-12-11T18:00:28.648-08:00And Every Year After That<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IXPM3L3X3sQ/X9Qj6sG7AjI/AAAAAAAAxQI/zaTuPtwfht8PFvVr6g0LmHI0R1rnDvAvQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/7FFF9A0E-3E11-451A-9F93-D0B78C2ADCE0-53CF4110-3B15-48E9-A504-7CA8B34414A5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1541" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IXPM3L3X3sQ/X9Qj6sG7AjI/AAAAAAAAxQI/zaTuPtwfht8PFvVr6g0LmHI0R1rnDvAvQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/7FFF9A0E-3E11-451A-9F93-D0B78C2ADCE0-53CF4110-3B15-48E9-A504-7CA8B34414A5.JPG" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: justify;"><span style="text-align: left;">For the past few months, I have gone through old photos, blogposts, and captions that to some degree have captured the processes, thoughts, and feelings of what I was going through at the time in which I posted them and some, I would say, are still true to this day. One in particular was an Instagram post that expressed how I was feeling about the 2019 New Year. During that time, I was in 1st Year BSSM, which had been such a significant and transformative year of my life. I looked at old pictures of myself at ages 18... 22... 24, captivated and thankful of who I was then, but knew the necessary and drastic encounters that I needed with the Holy Spirit. Now, being 25, I can only imagine what will happen in two.. three... or five years. I laugh at the thought of a 30 year-old-me because there are a few hopes and dreams that come to mind. As much as I want to plan and hope, I am reminded of God's goodness. It's crazy how our lives can now be documented on social media, phones, and on various forms of "clouds".</span></div><p style="text-align: left;">I want to share an excerpt of the Instagram caption that I mentioned previously that I posted on January 8th, 2019, but if you would like to read the entire caption, you can do so <a href="https://www.instagram.com/p/BsXhTdohgNA/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link" target="_blank">here</a>, </p><p>"I held all of me out in front of me knowing that this year is not mine nor does it belong to me. This year is His... I give up this year and the gift and talents He has planted in me so that I am utilized and carried out to share, know, and see His face more intimately. I do not have control over my life because when I begin to think that I do, God will pull the rug underneath my feet knocking the air out of me-- reminding me of who I am and who He is. So, 2019, I give you to Him. And every year after that."</p><p><b>And every year after that.</b></p><p>I was at work one day and my spirit stood attention to the King that walked into the room and I was overcome with His presence. That morning, I was overwhelmed with my future and all the things that were going wrong. There was such an urgency to establish peace in every area of my life, but His presence came in to reminded me that I am <i>human</i>.</p><p>His goodness. </p><p>His love. </p><p>I began to think about who He is to me. </p><p>He is my <i>love</i>.</p><p>My King.</p><p>My best friend.</p><p>As much as I hope to be more like Jesus, which is the goal, I have instead convinced myself that I was Him. I tried and tried to do only what God can do. When I made this realization, I got this picture of Jesus sitting and leaning against a wall and He's throwing little notes and flowers over the wall and when the wall comes down, He's there and He always will be, but I had put myself in His place. I felt Him say, <i>I love the way you love, but this one is mine.</i> I had to lay down any and all expectations that I thought I had to take things into my own hands. His hands are the best hands to be in. </p><p>In light of 2020 ending, I think there was a need to think about the past and process that we're in December. So much has happened this year, but regardless of all the changes, rules, protests, pain, grieving, days melting into each other, and Zoom meetings; 2021 is less than three weeks away (at the time in which I'm writing this). *Takes a deep breath*</p><p>It's almost 2021. Wow. </p><p>I'm thinking about what I'd hope for the new year-- my hopes, dreams, and goals, but the more I think about it, the more I want Jesus. Sweet, beautiful Jesus. I want <i>Him</i> to be my hopes, dreams, and goals. I <i>need</i> Him to be my hopes, dreams, and goals. As much as I can plan, pursue, and achieve, I want Jesus to stay so <i>close</i>. I <i>don't</i> want to hope, dream, and set goals without Him. He <b>has to</b> be that for me because I don't want to get to any point in my life when He isn't a part of it and <i>oh</i> how much I've <i>needed</i> Him this year. I'm laughing out loud and crying a little writing this because Jesus<i> knows</i>!!! It's been a <i>hard</i> year and I'm sure that has been the case for many people, but I know this for certain-- He is faithful, good, and true. For the rest of my life, I hope to know Jesus-- the different facets, fragrances, and influxes of His voice. So, whether it is 2019, (especially!!) 2020, 2021, *takes an even deeper breathe* or 2035 (Let's not think about that), I give each year to Him and every year after that. I hope for all that 2020 held, I want to say that I am <i>proud </i>of you. </p><p>Thank you for reading.</p><p style="text-align: center;">With Love,</p><p style="text-align: center;">MJ</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.3916754-37.682663081716193 96.9833246 90 18.233324600000003tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-17733456848424605112020-11-18T19:35:00.001-08:002020-11-18T19:40:53.048-08:00Even the Stars Know Our Story: A Poem<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bAxIhFZVGlQ/X7Xnt5-suMI/AAAAAAAAxIc/wAVHhDbFvhgkXSPXrTcSztNz_l5o7k-FgCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/173D2F86-31EF-40C7-B282-674FB293D953.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="2048" data-original-width="1687" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-bAxIhFZVGlQ/X7Xnt5-suMI/AAAAAAAAxIc/wAVHhDbFvhgkXSPXrTcSztNz_l5o7k-FgCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/173D2F86-31EF-40C7-B282-674FB293D953.jpeg" /></a></div><div><br /></div>The first few chords<br /><div style="text-align: left;">changed my perspective.</div><div style="text-align: left;">I drove on the freeway</div><div>the moon joined in </div><div>called shotgun and</div><div>leaned against the passenger door</div><div>pressing its forehead </div><div>letting the cold glass window</div><div>numbing itself to life.</div><div><br /></div><div>Orion pulled open the back door</div><div>hopped into the backseat.</div><div>Saturn didn't mind sitting in the middle</div><div>and Zenith took the last free seat. </div><div><br /></div><div>We told each other stories</div><div>promising not to hurt each other</div><div>driving for hours</div><div>recalling lives that walked the ground</div><div>Broken hearts</div><div>hope ignited</div><div>and wishes unfulfilled</div><div><br /></div><div>Until finally</div><div>our ears were captivated by the melody </div><div>the came from the dashboard--</div><div>I built up speed</div><div>slapped by shadows </div><div>of light posts</div><div>Lulling us awake</div><div><br /></div><div>Words of past lives</div><div>filled our hearts</div><div>Moments that we witnessed</div><div>unified by clear skies</div><div>late nights and </div><div>cold winters. </div><div><br /></div><div>still and quiet</div><div>moments undisturbed</div><div>only by the numbers </div><div>that measured </div><div>minutes of the night.</div><div>Until Sun called us home.</div>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7497570314471209530.post-25584470225658964072020-11-16T21:30:00.005-08:002020-11-17T16:25:14.878-08:00I Know That I Know That I Know<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vk0monLuRv0/X7JLAMDZwrI/AAAAAAAAxGc/M-fvR-RArFculxenlBweV6TnHnIOVH6mQCLcBGAsYHQ/s2048/97B0632E-7243-440A-AB86-25FC564FC372-AC06036D-42C1-4591-A015-05B303418B52.JPG" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1634" data-original-width="2048" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-vk0monLuRv0/X7JLAMDZwrI/AAAAAAAAxGc/M-fvR-RArFculxenlBweV6TnHnIOVH6mQCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/97B0632E-7243-440A-AB86-25FC564FC372-AC06036D-42C1-4591-A015-05B303418B52.JPG" width="320" /></a></div><p style="text-align: justify;">For the past few weeks, God has brought to my attention the passions He has put inside of me, which is writing, connection, intentionality, and His love for me. I keep learning that there is still so much to discover about Him. I began thinking about where I was this time last year, which is crazy to think about! I choose to be vulnerable and authentic-- especially on this platform-- because that is how I want to live my life and I love the idea that my future children will read this one day. But a year ago today, I was desperate and worried. I was worried about paying off tuition and money. I was desperate because I cried out to God saying <i>God, you call me daughter and beloved, but I'm not seeing it!</i> It honestly felt like I had cried more last year than I did during 1st Year. Crying isn't always a bad thing for me. I cry when I feel His presence; I cry when He moves my heart; and I cry during the part in <i>Toy Story 3</i> when they were accepting death (if you've seen it, you know what part I'm talking about: #YouHaveSavedTheirLivesAndIAmEternallyGrateful)-- crying has in some sense become a default setting, which I don't mind at all. </p><p style="text-align: justify;">1st Year has been a place in which I got to step into identity and God sifted, broke off, and loved every part of me that I had hated, forgotten, and set aside. 2nd year, last year, was crying out from a place of wholeness. I was given an opportunity to take up space and time to learn, worship, and wait for God to speak to me. When my tuition ultimately got paid off mid-January, I realized that <b>if</b> He had given me the money when I asked for it, I probably would have said, "Thanks God! What's next!" and quickly moved on to the next thing. But He took hold of my face so that He could <i>look</i> at me. He <i>wanted </i>to spend time with me! Working and waiting for tuition to get paid off was one of the most hardest and God-filled moments in my life so far-- and it was worth it! I am reminded of those moments on the floor in the Bethel sanctuary crying (of course) as He solidified my heart and mind to believe and know that despite hardship and obstacles, it does not dictate who He is or who I am! He is faithful, true, and powerful. <b>He is who He says He is and I am who He says I am!</b> </p><p style="text-align: justify;">Romans 8:14 states, "For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God" (NIV). We are sons and daughters of the High most King and that WRECKS me! In the same passage, Paul goes on to say, "The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. [And this is one of my favorite parts] <b>And by him we cry, "Abba, Father."</b>"[Read that one more time] It has and always will be about Him! He is the way, truth, and light (John 14:16). He deserves all the praise and glory!</p><p style="text-align: justify;">These past few years in ministry school in Redding has been a gift and <b>God wastes nothing.</b> When God said, "Let there be light," He had you in mind and I am honored that I get to behold who He had in mind. In the same way, I am grateful of the hearts and minds I got to run with last year and even more so with those who I get to run with <i>this </i>year. He is asking me to hope, dream, and roar with Him. Being in 2nd Year this year is a <i>gift</i> and I can't imagine doing anything else. God is working, speaking, and leaning so close into my life that my only response is wanting <i>more</i> of HIM. It's an interesting, heartbreaking, and significant time in our world, but I know that I know that I know (yes, you read that right, it is not a typo) that He is the Love of my soul and the Savior of the world. </p><p style="text-align: center;">Thanks for reading my process! More to come! </p><p style="text-align: center;">-Jacky</p>Dear Tizaporahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08197716335875399374noreply@blogger.com0Redding, CA, USA40.5865396 -122.391675412.276305763821156 -157.5479254 68.896773436178847 -87.2354254